Re: Thoughts From a Longtime Cohousing Resident | <– Date –> <– Thread –> |
From: Jerry Koch-Gonzalez (jerrycohousing.com) | |
Date: Sat, 16 Mar 2013 07:58:58 -0700 (PDT) |
I like Zev's framing. I would change one word: rather than tolerance, I'd say acceptance. As in the felt difference between "I tolerate you" and "I accept you." On Fri, Mar 15, 2013 at 10:56 AM, Zev Paiss <Zev [at] abrahampaiss.com> wrote: > > Thoughts From a Longtime Cohousing Resident > The idea of community is a concept we see and hear about all the time. > Spiritual community, social community, online community or even the people > who live in your neighborhood are example of modern-day communities. > > But what does it really take to live successfully within a close community > of people? Over the past 18 years I have had the opportunity to live in two > very different Colorado cohousing communities. One was rural and quite > large with 42 households, and the other is quite urban and small with only > 11 households. Both neighborhoods use the cohousing principles of resident > participation, design for community, shared common facilities, > non-hierarchical decision making and resident management. > > What I learned over these years is that while living in community is not a > solution for all the world's ills, it is far better than living isolated in > either a large city or in the suburbs. After all humans are a social > species and for 95% of human history we have lived in extended families, > tribes and villages. Deep down inside living in community is the norm. > > >From my personal experience living successfully in community takes at > least four attributes: > > 1. Honesty - Because of the higher level of interaction members of a > community cross paths and effect one another more often and on more levels > that living by yourself or only with your nuclear family. Telling the truth > becomes even more critical in this situation. Honesty can sometime be > brutal so the intention is to be honest without intentionally causing harm, > ridicule or shame. > > 2. Patience - Clear communication takes time. Individual listening and > processing styles can vary greatly. While one person may be able to hear a > suggestion and act immediately more often we require time and distance to > integrate new information before being ready to act. Depending on the form > of decision making in a community it may take quite a bit longer for a > decision to be reached than in a more typical top-down decision making > arrangements. > > 3. Tolerance - Even in a community of middle income white suburbanites, > the amount of diversty can be astounding. Differences in political, > spiritual and religious beliefs, communication and parenting styles, life > experience, economic status, age, sexual orientation and birth order all > contribute to who we are. Because of the increased closeness and > interdependence of community members, successful community living requires > a level of tolerance beyond what is typically needed in our artifically > independent society. > > 4. Generosity - When I was in the stage of attracting new members to my > current cohousing community where I have now lived for 16 years, it was > clear that a person was not going to do well if their first question was > "What can this community offer me?" Rather potential community members need > to consider what they are bring to the "party." Through random acts of > kindness and generosity community life can become rich and supportive > without any one member feeling burnt out. > > With just these four attributes living in community can be a rewarding and > supportive experience. And as we weave our way through the Great > Transition, this will become more and more important. > > You can read more at my blog at: > http://abrahampaiss.com/fromheretothere/archives/393 > _________________________________________________________________ > Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at: > http://www.cohousing.org/cohousing-L/ > > > -- Jerry Koch-Gonzalez 413-549-1747 Member, Pioneer Valley Cohousing Community Principal, Both-And Consulting <http://both-and.net> Member, The Sociocracy Consulting Group <http://sociocracyconsulting.com> Certified Trainer, New England NVC <http://newenglandnvc.org> President, Class Action <http://www.classism.org>
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Thoughts From a Longtime Cohousing Resident Zev Paiss, March 15 2013
- Re: Thoughts From a Longtime Cohousing Resident Jerry Koch-Gonzalez, March 16 2013
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Re: Thoughts From a Longtime Cohousing Resident oz, March 17 2013
- Re: Thoughts From a Longtime Cohousing Resident Elph Morgan, March 18 2013
- Understanding Ourselves and Others [was: Thoughts From a Longtime Cohousing Resident Sharon Villines, March 18 2013
- Re: Thoughts From a Longtime Cohousing Resident Muriel Kranowski, March 18 2013
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