Re: Thoughts From a Longtime Cohousing Resident
From: oz (ozozragland.com)
Date: Sun, 17 Mar 2013 09:33:01 -0700 (PDT)
Zev, Jerry - great stuff

Another alternative to Tolerance or Acceptance - which does kick it up a
notch - is "Celebrate"

Over the 20 years at Songaia, I've loved connecting with my neighbors,
including some that I'd never get to know in other contexts. In the
workplace, at church, in school, we get to pick who we be-friend (and not
in the trivial Facebook way). Living together, we don't get to pick our
neighbors - and not even in cohousing after the forming group has done its
work.

Since reporters are always looking for the "edge" the "angle" they often
ask about conflict. Over and over, I was asked something like "What if you
don't like your neighbor?" The answer I learned to share was something
like, "Well, I can respect and honor people whether or not they're not my
friends." In my case, the neighbors that I have the least in common with
are not my friends. We have respect for each other and have done
interesting things together, but we're not particularly close in an
emotional sense. I suggest that cohousing gives us a safe place where we
can learn how better to celebrate and honor our differences - practicing
new ways to relate to diversity.

In community, Oz

On Sat, Mar 16, 2013 at 7:58 AM, Jerry Koch-Gonzalez <jerry [at] 
cohousing.com>wrote:

>
> I like Zev's framing. I would change one word: rather than tolerance, I'd
> say acceptance. As in the felt difference between "I tolerate you" and "I
> accept you."
>
>
> On Fri, Mar 15, 2013 at 10:56 AM, Zev Paiss <Zev [at] abrahampaiss.com> wrote:
>
> >
> > Thoughts From a Longtime Cohousing Resident
> > The idea of community is a concept we see and hear about all the time.
> > Spiritual community, social community, online community or even the
> people
> > who live in your neighborhood are example of modern-day communities.
> >
> > But what does it really take to live successfully within a close
> community
> > of people? Over the past 18 years I have had the opportunity to live in
> two
> > very different Colorado cohousing communities. One was rural and quite
> > large with 42 households, and the other is quite urban and small with
> only
> > 11 households. Both neighborhoods use the cohousing principles of
> resident
> > participation, design for community, shared common facilities,
> > non-hierarchical decision making and resident management.
> >
> > What I learned over these years is that while living in community is not
> a
> > solution for all the world's ills, it is far better than living isolated
> in
> > either a large city or in the suburbs. After all humans are a social
> > species and for 95% of human history we have lived in extended families,
> > tribes and villages. Deep down inside living in community is the norm.
> >
> > >From my personal experience living successfully in community takes at
> > least four attributes:
> >
> > 1. Honesty - Because of the higher level of interaction members of a
> > community cross paths and effect one another more often and on more
> levels
> > that living by yourself or only with your nuclear family. Telling the
> truth
> > becomes even more critical in this situation. Honesty can sometime be
> > brutal so the intention is to be honest without intentionally causing
> harm,
> > ridicule or shame.
> >
> > 2. Patience - Clear communication takes time. Individual listening and
> > processing styles can vary greatly. While one person may be able to hear
> a
> > suggestion and act immediately more often we require time and distance to
> > integrate new information before being ready to act. Depending on the
> form
> > of decision making in a community it may take quite a bit longer for a
> > decision to be reached than in a more typical top-down decision making
> > arrangements.
> >
> > 3. Tolerance - Even in a community of middle income white suburbanites,
> > the amount of diversty can be astounding. Differences in political,
> > spiritual and religious beliefs, communication and parenting styles, life
> > experience, economic status, age, sexual orientation and birth order all
> > contribute to who we are. Because of the increased closeness and
> > interdependence of community members, successful community living
> requires
> > a level of tolerance beyond what is typically needed in our artifically
> > independent society.
> >
> > 4. Generosity - When I was in the stage of attracting new members to my
> > current cohousing community where I have now lived for 16 years, it was
> > clear that a person was not going to do well if their first question was
> > "What can this community offer me?" Rather potential community members
> need
> > to consider what they are bring to the "party." Through random acts of
> > kindness and generosity community life can become rich and supportive
> > without any one member feeling burnt out.
> >
> > With just these four attributes living in community can be a rewarding
> and
> > supportive experience. And as we weave our way through the Great
> > Transition, this will become more and more important.
> >
> > You can read more at my blog at:
> > http://abrahampaiss.com/fromheretothere/archives/393
> > _________________________________________________________________
> > Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at:
> > http://www.cohousing.org/cohousing-L/
> >
> >
> >
>
>
> --
> Jerry Koch-Gonzalez
> 413-549-1747
> Member, Pioneer Valley Cohousing Community
> Principal, Both-And Consulting <http://both-and.net>
> Member, The Sociocracy Consulting Group <http://sociocracyconsulting.com>
> Certified Trainer, New England NVC <http://newenglandnvc.org>
> President, Class Action <http://www.classism.org>
> _________________________________________________________________
> Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at:
> http://www.cohousing.org/cohousing-L/
>
>
>

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