Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: enforcement of cohousing rules within your community

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

> On Nov 8, 2015, at 11:51 AM, R Philip Dowds <rpdowds [at] comcast.net> wrote:
> 
> 
> Are you sure about this?  It shifts the burden from those seeking an 
> exception granted to those objecting to an exception seized.  Now the 
> objectors must step up and identify themselves as enforcers, complainers, 
> intolerant trouble-makers, inflexible rule-sticklers, etc.  This shifting of 
> burden, in my view, would not work for all members in all communities.  Is it 
> true no one at your coho would ever be shy about protesting?

Not everyone announces they are doing the same backyard things others have 
mentioned. Many people have no idea that they don’t “own” the exterior of their 
buildings. We haven’t done a good job of explaining this. And most don’t 
understand why they can’t do this or that. Interestingly our newer residents 
have lived in condos before so they automatically assume these restrictions. 
This was not true when we moved in.

People can object themselves to the person, on email, or to the Team 
responsible for that area. Sometimes the Team does the posting and asks for any 
objections within 4-5 days. But most often they aren’t objections as much as 
requests — please put up a ribbon to close off the stairs, please put up signs 
so people are not knocking on my door all morning to find out where you are. 
Please put the tables back out because I have an event the next day and need 
them.

The most frequently request for exceptions are to the 10 day limit for 
reserving the guestrooms and holding events in the CH that charge an admission 
fee or are publicized outside beyond the members of a group. Yesterday a member 
hosted a Peace Corps Reunion for those who served in Kenya and had announced 
2-3 weeks ago. No one would object to something like that, but people have 
objected to hosting fundraisers for political candidates because it could be 
interpreted by the neighborhood as an endorsement.

Our CH is only used for member sponsored events. There has been anxiety over 
strangers who are up to no good seeing the announcement of an open event. The 
meeting space is not contained and opens onto residential corridors so security 
is a concern. We have 20 children, some of whom are usually running around 
somewhere. If a larger community group wants to hold an event here, a member 
has to volunteer to host and be responsible for the event. For special 
community safety meetings and presentations by the city for changes to streets, 
for example, the organizers usually contact a member they know who hosts the 
event or find someone else who will.

We once had a set of parents hold a birthday party for 35-40 kids without adult 
supervision beyond themselves. It was chaotic. For the next few birthday 
parties, size limits and supervision were requested. (We learned a lot from 
that experience.)

Another exception is requests for reserving the guestrooms further in advance 
than 4 months. This was prompted by a person wanting to reserve the rooms 
almost a year before a bris and not knowing she could ask for an exception. 
Someone else got to the reservations calendar minutes before she did when the 4 
months opening came. And she didn’t mention it to us until months later. 

Some of us believe that rules are rules but exceptions can almost always be 
accommodated as long as they are transparently acknowledged.  Others believe 
that rules are rules and no one can do anything about it. 

Our members are very resistant to consenting to “no alternative” decisions. And 
no document can cover all possible situations. By having an exceptions process, 
people are more comfortable adopting an agreement. But people do have to follow 
the process for exceptions. That is policed quite well by many members.

Sharon
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Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
http://www.takomavillage.org