Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Adult only community events?

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

> On Dec 7, 2015, at 7:45 PM, Cohousing Adult <adult.cohousing [at] gmail.com> 
> wrote:
> 
> I live in cohousing and some of our residents are trying to say that all 
> Community events should be inclusive for anyone in the community. We are 
> trying to arrange adult-only community dinners, where we can actually eat in 
> peace without someone else's baby screaming in my ear. People with kids are 
> screaming injustice because they have all sorts of Entitlement issues and 
> think that just because they live here, everything ought to be open to them.

Big issue and much discussion. I suspect over time all communities come down to 
the same solution: inclusion depends on the nature of the activity. People can 
request certain kinds of activities and start any activity they like, but to 
stop someone else from planning an activity that is not morally or politically 
reprehensible to the community (a KKK rally) is pretty exclusive.

Inclusive means anyone who wants to participate in the event _as planned_ is 
welcome. If the meal is designed for a certain behavior, then that behavior is 
expected. We have Dinner at Eight, which is too late for children to 
participate. A mother brought a teenager one time but it was quickly seen that 
it was inappropriate. He was bored and others felt inhibited — about making 
adult jokes, for example.

We have kids meals that are composed of simple kid foods like macaroni and 
cheese. Adults are welcome but the kids tastes rule.

We hired childcare for meetings because those without children were unable to 
ignore kid noises. They weren’t used to them. But kids do attend meetings when 
they involve them. And are always welcome if they behave as others in the room 
do.

If “inclusive” means all events have to be designed to everyone’s tastes, no 
event will be satisfying to anyone. Usually cohousers plan enough events that 
there is something for everyone, but not necessarily everyone will want to 
attend every event. 

If not everyone wants to watch the kids do a magic show in the CH, does that 
mean it can’t be done?

You will also notice that these arguments are most often made on behalf of 
children. Actions in defense of children often take on a self-righteous tone 
that is hard to counter. Early on we had to define the community as 
child-friendly, not child-centered.

Sharon
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Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
http://www.takomavillage.org