Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Unseen Bullying Epidemic in Senior Communities - with hot link

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

On May 16, 2018, at 10:01 AM, Alan O via Cohousing-L <cohousing-l [at] 
cohousing.org> wrote:

> When senior communities form, it is critically important for founders to 
> figure out who the "power and control" people are before hand. Unless of 
> course, all the founders are bullies!

Power and control = bullying?

> At the "Dealing with Diverse Personalities" retreat I led in Arcosanti, AZ a 
> couple years ago, we spent quite a bit of time on this topic.

Diversity of personality is one kind of diversity that cohousing, like many 
groups, doesn’t value. Unless the difference is entertaining.

One of my main objections is being expected to talk like someone else. Say it 
the PC way. On one occasion when being corrected, I asked a new member who was 
sitting in the group of 4, “Did you understand what I meant?” She said, 
“Perfectly.” 

One of the biggest complaints, as in this instance, “People here are not 
sensitive to the needs of older people, but will do out of of their way 
everyday to change things for children.” The correction was what I call 
nitpicking — how many people are not sensitive. Not everyone. Not all people. 

No attention on the part of 2 of the 4 to the emotional meaning of the 
statement and how it was conveyed with language — only to the data points.

Diversity is much, much more than skin color. Community is much more than meals.

Sharon
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Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
http://www.takomavillage.org