Re: decision-making is hard | <– Date –> <– Thread –> |
From: Denise Tennen (denisetennencenturylink.net) | |
Date: Fri, 29 Jan 2021 18:08:24 -0800 (PST) |
Sharon As someone who has lived at my cohousing community in MN since Feb 1996, I love all that you wrote about decision making in cohousing, including your summation that it becomes easier when we accept that it is hard. thanks for this! Denise > On Jan 27, 2021, at 5:16 AM, cohousing-l-request [at] cohousing.org wrote: > > Send Cohousing-L mailing list submissions to > cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org > > To subscribe or unsubscribe via the World Wide Web, visit > https://lists.cohousing.org/mailman/listinfo/cohousing-l > or, via email, send a message with subject or body 'help' to > cohousing-l-request [at] cohousing.org > > You can reach the person managing the list at > cohousing-l-owner [at] cohousing.org > > When replying, please edit your Subject line so it is more specific > than "Re: Contents of Cohousing-L digest..." > > > Today's Topics: > > 1. Re: Is consensus holding back the cohousing movement? > (Sharon Villines) > > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Message: 1 > Date: Tue, 26 Jan 2021 14:57:10 -0500 > From: Sharon Villines <sharon [at] sharonvillines.com> > To: Cohousing-L <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> > Subject: Re: [C-L]_ Is consensus holding back the cohousing movement? > Message-ID: <CF3243CC-7ECD-4E60-AD22-2AA8CD803360 [at] sharonvillines.com> > Content-Type: text/plain; charset=utf-8 > > I hesitated to weigh in on this on top of Anna (who lives 2 doors away and > notices everyday if I?m watching TV or not). But waiting has also clarified > some issues that I think we need to cross-stitch on a pillow with some roses > and thorns: > > 1. Decision-making is hard regardless of the decision-making method. > > What is easier in both the short and long term than consensus? Is community > enriched with autocratic decision-making? Or majority vote. Or management > company decisions? Or political tradeoffs. > > 2. Making decisions that affect everyone individually is hard. > > A team is not making decisions about planting trees for themselves. They are > making decisions for many people as individuals. And no one hired you to do > it ?? you have no professional training in placing and planting trees. > > 3. Communications are hard. > > In the process of investigation and study, information is lost. Preferences > gathered in October are forgotten by January. Options have changed by the > time the order is placed. People have different mental images of expected > results. A feature that is very important to some is not even noticed by > others. Without communication, these expectations cause conflict. > > 4. Having patience is hard. > > A decision that you see as clearcut, a no brainer, is new to others and they > need to sit with it. It may seem more efficient to set time limits on > discussion, but that may discourage some people from getting involved at all. > And some of those people will nurse grievances that build up and affect their > comfort in the community. > > 5. Decisions that affect us physically and emotionally are hard. > > Cohousing is where we live. Our soul is invested. Can we live with appliances > made in Germany? Which religious practices are comfortable for us in the CH? > Do we value casual or formal? Do we need better air in the CH? Sometimes > these are decisions made for health or ethical reasons, but they are also > decisions about things that affect us physically and emotionally at a barely > conscious level. > > 6. Decisions that place limits on our future are hard. > > If we plant trees outside the kitchen window will we be sorry next winter > when there is no light or next summer when the birds are roosting and pooping > on the glider? If we give up the hot tub, will we really build that darkroom? > If we give up parking spaces, will it be a problem in the future? > > 7. Decisions that require sacrifices to our ethical beliefs are hard. > > Engaging and trying to change ourselves and the world is hard. It?s swimming > upstream everyday. How far can we go on shopping locally? Or organic? Can we > avoid shopping at a store that treats employees unfairly? Is that even the > best way to change the store? Is the effect of using wool the same for animal > welfare as using leather? > > 8. Decisions that require spending large amounts of money are hard. > > Cohousing is designed to facilitate and encourage community living but is > also a significant real estate investment. We become managers of > multi-million dollar buildings that require spending tens of thousands of > dollars to maintain. Actively consenting to spend $500,000 on solar panels > even with all their promise is still hard. > > 9. Decisions that must harmonize multiple socio-economic, ethnic, and > cultural differences are hard. > > We want diversity but then we want consensus. In addition to behavioral > expectations, cultural expectations often require spending money and time on > things that have little value to us personally. Avoiding discrimination > against or in favor of one group or the other according to age, gender, > socio-economic class, education levels, etc., requires a depth of > consideration that few of us have done on a daily, moment to moment basis. > > ????? > > Some people are not in a place in their lives that allows them to accept all > these Hards. They are too stressed physically or mentally to cope with them > or too happy without them. They have nuclear families or long-term > friendships are as satisfying as they need. Or ill parents who require as > much energy for others as they have ? right now. > > None of these Hards are likely to be easier by adding more process, or > training, or setting time or discussion limits. Some can be more easily made > using another decision-making method or additional training but it is still a > matter of degree. > > Some decisions are made more appropriately by different methods. Majority > vote for choosing dates when most people can be in town. Ranked choice voting > for choosing the strongest preference between 6 alternatives. Solidarity for > actions that might put the community legal or economic at risk. > > Group decisions become easier as community members gain understanding and > build trust, but there are always new community members with new opinions, > needs, customs, expectations, etc. It is not unusual for someone to join a > community with ideas of fixing it. > > Basically, decision-making becomes easier when we accept that it is hard. And > hard for good reason, not because we are inexperienced, afraid of conflict, > have psychological problems, are too dominant or too passive, or are social > failures. Decisions are easier when we don?t make judgments about why or how > people disagree with us. > > Sharon > ---- > Sharon Villines, Washington DC > "Reality is something you rise above." Liza Minnelli > > > > > > ------------------------------ > > Subject: Digest Footer > > _________________________________________________________________ > Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at: > http://L.cohousing.org/info > > > ------------------------------ > > End of Cohousing-L Digest, Vol 204, Issue 34 > ********************************************
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Re: decision-making is hard Denise Tennen, January 29 2021
- Re: decision-making is hard Ann Lehman, January 30 2021
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