Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Cohousing-L Digest, Vol 252, Issue 4

[Patricia Lautner (lautnerp]

Congratulations on breaking ground!

I'm sorry to hear that you are experiencing this kind of conflict.  At
JPCohousing we have a conflict resolution team who helps with 1:1 difficult
discussions.  I've participated in a few over the years (we're 20 years old
this year) and the experience was enormously helpful. I recommend that you
build these skills in house because conflicts between neighbors will
continue to happen.  I remember Laird Shaub (RIP) telling us that "every
community has conflict. If you don't realize that you're either dead, or
not paying attention."

As to your question about the heart circle, we have a listening "Caring
Circle" .  The Caring Circle takes place whenever someone thinks to call
one. We usually have a topic and then speak about that topic. We have rules
such as no cross talk, everyone gets time to speak when holding the
speaking stone, and the rest of the circle listens.  It's OK to pass when
it's your turn and the stone may go around the circle several times.  For
example, we had a listening circle on bikes in the community.  We're an
urban site and there were a lot of emotions about where the bikes should
park, whether we should spend community resources to build on-grade covered
parking, electric bikes, kids bikes, etc.  The most recent circle was about
life changes where folks listened and shared about what change was
happening for them personally. Two important rules: 1) discussion in the
circle should be protected and private, and 2) once the circle starts,
nobody may join late.  Our caring circles usually lasts between 60 and 90
minutes.



On Wed, Jan 8, 2025 at 6:16 AM <cohousing-l-request [at] cohousing.org> wrote:

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> Today's Topics:
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>    1. Experience with mediators? (Elizabeth Rosenau)
>
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> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Message: 1
> Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2025 10:44:00 -0800
> From: Elizabeth Rosenau <ejrosenau [at] gmail.com>
> To: cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org
> Subject: [C-L]_ Experience with mediators?
> Message-ID: <B7D5CF35-060B-4416-8EAC-355F3D177F1B [at] gmail.com>
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=utf-8
>
> Hello,
>
> I?m a member of Compass Cohousing in Langley, British Columbia, Canada.
> I?m pleased to share with you the exciting news that we broke ground
> yesterday.  ???
>
> We have many wonderful members with skill sets that have been so useful in
> helping us get to this point.  Unfortunately two of these valued members
> have struggled to get along and there are potential negative effects for
> the community if the dynamic between them continues to play out as it has.
>
> I am wondering if other cohousing communities have had any experience
> hiring mediators for one on one work.  If so, who did they hire and was the
> experience a good one for all involved?  At Compass, we?ve identified a
> preference for working with a mediator experienced in NVC mediation
> techniques, but we would be open to working with anyone who comes highly
> recommended.
>
> On a related note, we are beginning to explore the possibility of having
> ?heart share meetings?.  The idea is to have a space outside of our regular
> business meetings where people can share how they?re feeling.  Does your
> community have anything like this?  How does it work?  Has it been helpful
> in increasing understanding and empathy between members?  Does it make your
> business meetings more successful?
>
> Thanking you in advance for your responses.
>
> With warmth,
>
> Elizabeth Rosenau, Compass Cohousing.
>
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> End of Cohousing-L Digest, Vol 252, Issue 4
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-- 
Patricia Lautner
617-309-9040
lautnerp [at] gmail.com
To connect on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/patricialautner
<https://www.linkedin.com/in/patricialautner>