Re: Secondary tensions in a conflict situation? | <– Date –> <– Thread –> |
From: Ken Winter (kenatsun![]() |
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Date: Mon, 2 Jun 2025 10:12:28 -0700 (PDT) |
Thank you Sharon ~ What a fine idea! I've just forwarded it to my community as something we might add to our ways of navigating through the ever-abundant difficult situations that arise as we live in community. ~ Ken, from Sunward Cohousing (Ann Arbor MI USA) On Mon, Jun 2, 2025 at 12:27 PM Sharon Villines via Cohousing-L < cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> wrote: > Takoma Village developed a good system for allowing a person or household > to maintain their privacy and avoid questioning. The household or person > would select a person to share information — usually a close friend but > could also be a member who had counseling skills. That person could answer > questions, share updates, and consult on needs and preferences with the > community. > > It worked very well in the cases where a person had stage 4 cancer and > years of treatment, a person was dying, a child wanted to avoid questions, > a relative of a resident had been implicated in a crime, a death in the > household, and divorces in process. Sometimes the person chosen would > communicate by email and other times in person, even going door to door to > notify everyone. It was helpful to know that 2 other households were > helping so no more help was needed. > > It allowed everyone to relax and not imagine the worst or inadvertently > ask a question that caused pain. And to be able to contribute helpfully by > knowing if the household needed meals or preferred to be left alone. > > It doesn’t work to say we care and share, but our lives are private, none > of your business. Where does that begin and end if we are so close that we > know immediately that something has changed and may be problematic? > > One case was acutely uncomfortable for some members of the community. A > household had decided to have a homebirth. With no notice, the unit windows > were suddenly covered, and no one came in or out for hours and hours. The > only way we knew that labor was in progress was that their parking space > was occupied by the midwife’s car. Anxiety increased the longer it went on. > After two days, everyone in the household left. Still no information > shared. This was very hard for those who had experienced death at > childbirth, of the mother or the infant. But no one wanted to ask questions > since obviously, they preferred complete privacy. A simple “no problem” > email would have eased everyone else's tensions. > > Sharon > ---- > Sharon Villines > > Save Our Planet. It's the only one with chocolate. > > > > > > > > _________________________________________________________________ > Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at: > http://L.cohousing.org/info > > > >
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Secondary tensions in a conflict situation? David Heimann, May 29 2025
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Re: Secondary tensions in a conflict situation? Amanda Jarvis, May 29 2025
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Re: Secondary tensions in a conflict situation? Sharon Villines, June 2 2025
- Re: Secondary tensions in a conflict situation? Sophie Rubin, June 2 2025
- Re: Secondary tensions in a conflict situation? Ken Winter, June 2 2025
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Re: Secondary tensions in a conflict situation? Sharon Villines, June 2 2025
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Re: Secondary tensions in a conflict situation? Amanda Jarvis, May 29 2025
- Re: Secondary tensions in a conflict situation? Elizabeth Magill, May 30 2025
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