Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Gun policy in Cohousing community

[Robert Hartman (hartman]

> Robert Hartman writes:
> 
> > If the no-ban advocate is simply being ideological, I'd advocate
> > outvoting him or educating him sufficiently to bring him around to a
> > consensus.
> 
> I like the way everybody assumes that in order to bring someone around
> to their own position, it is simply necessary to "educate" them.
> People can have the same information and come to different conclusions,
> because their values are different.
> 
> Andre Guirard

I guess I did react a bit.  The kind of obstinacy I heard about really
bothers me.  --perhaps because I've been that way so often and it was
so alienating and miserable for me.

The education I'm talking about isn't necessarily about guns.  It's
about recognizing the common values of the community.  --it's about
seeing the entire picture.  Particularly in consensus, you just can't
come to a good decision unless you take everyone's perspective into
account.

It may well be that someone expressing a minority view has an approach
that would work better for the entire community.  But coming into the
discussion with an attitude of "I want what I want, and I have my
rights, so there," just isn't going to work.  That attitude prevents
people from seeing the entire picture.

Because that sort of it works so often in competitive environments,
people often try to bulldoze within a community setting.  When someone
takes that tack, my sense is that the community cannot proceed to a
decision until they are somehow pursuaded to take a more cooperative
stance.  And one way to do that is to confront the obstinacy head on.

Reaching a consensus isn't about a competition of ideas.  It's about
blending ideas.  It's about understanding everyone's viewpoint,
including the person holding the minority view.  But if that person is
the one who refuses to recognize the desires, needs, fears, and views
of others, their stance is problematic for everyone, including
themselves.

At that point, the issue of guns (or whatever) is secondary to the
issue of attitudes.  When people have to continue to live with each
other, a cooperative attitude is a must.  It's something that people
often have to deliberately cultivate.  Sometimes they may have to be
"educated" about it.

Personally, I wouldn't want to be involved in a cohousing community
that didn't address this issue prior to moving in.  I've been
through too many struggles with consensus process ever to think that
it comes naturally or that people take to it easily.  Perhaps some
do, but they are typically a distinct minority.

-r