Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: compromise in cohousing

[Donna Spreitzer (dmspreit]

Speaking from my own personal experience here at N Street Cohousing, I 
don't feel that I'm always compromising.  Surprisingly enough, most 
issues aren't necessarily contentious.  By the end of most discussions, 
it is clear that people are in general agreement or disagreement on the 
issue.  It is the responsibility of the  facilitator to see if we've 
reached consensus on an issue.  There are many times that the group is 
not in agreement and it seems clear that there's no point in working to 
get everyone to see it one way. In these cases we agree not to make a 
decision at that time.  Usually it will rest 'till the next meeting.  
This allows for informal discussions to happen - individuals can talk and 
debate one-on-one outside of the meeting and work to come to some type of 
agreement.  

Yes, sometimes compromise is necessary.  But remember, that 
people have the opportunity to "block" consensus on issues that they 
"can't live with."  So, compromise or letting things go are sometimes 
used on issues that aren't terribly important. 

But consensus does not always require compromise.   If you can't live with a 
particular 
decision, it is incumbant upon you to let the group know this.  More 
times than not, we don't resort to blocking. (In fact, I can remember 
only 2 times blocking was used in 4 years.)  If an individual or several 
people feel very strongly about something, the group simply isn't ready 
to come to consensus.  So we postpone the decision, revise the plan 
(compromise?), come up with a new plan, or decide to dump the idea 
altogether.  

Donna Spreitzer
N Street Cohousing
Davis, California


On Mon, 19 Sep 1994, Till Houtermans wrote:

>       Often when I talk to people about community living I get the response
> that the problem with community living is that you always have to compromise 
> I am curious to hear what people who are living in community, in this case 
> cohousing, have to say to this.  Is compromise something that you feel you are
> always doing?  If so on what sort of issues?  If not, how is it avoided?  I
> guess a big part of this question is to what degree does the consensus process
> involve compromise? 
> > 
>