Cohousing-L Mailing List: More stuff on house rules

[Rob Sandelin (robsan]

There is an interesting dichotomy, between what we write down and agree 
to as "house rules" and those things which we all tacitly agree to, 
never write down, but follow just the same.

For example it is not written down anywhere that  religious views are 
not to be evangelized, yet it is very much an operational policy.  
Several of us chastised (gently)  the one person that ever did this but 
there has never been any agreement that evangelizing religious beliefs 
is not OK.

The unwritten rules form sort of a community culture which sets the 
expectations.  It may take a long time for a newcomer to an established 
group to understand this culture since it is not written down anywhere.

For example, sharing tools is an unwritten expectation at Sharingwood.  
There are also unwritten expectations about borrowers care and handling 
of borrowed things, such as returning them to the exact place they came 
from when the borrower is done.  This is not written down, although it 
is the way to we do things. (mostly) and when this expectation is not 
met, it causes friction.

I once started on a project to document these expectations and 
unwritten codes of conduct and discovered that many people felt that 
having all  these things written down somehow became too bureaucratic.  
I stopped documenting them but I do often look for them, think about 
them and what they mean as sources of communication challenges and conflicts.

I think from all this I would generalize that if a action or process 
causes friction or conflict due to differing expectations, it would be 
good to explore it and write it up for general agreement.

Rob Sandelin
Sharingwood