Cohousing-L Mailing List: RE: Values

[Rob Sandelin (robsan]

Jeff asked me..
 I'm not clear on whether you believe that all
values are equally good and should be respected as such.

This gets tangled up really fast so let me use a concrete example.   I 
know a person who is an ardent opponent of abortion.  She gets arrested 
at clinics.  I am an ardent proponent of a women's right to choose.  We 
are polar opposites in this issue due to the differences in our values.

I could easily make the judgment that her values are the wrong ones and 
mine are the right ones. She has already said exactly that.  This is a 
typical example of a values based dispute.  There is no empirical 
evidence that one value is superior than the other. The core for me is 
freedom of choice.   The core for her is killing is wrong.  We agree on 
both those cores on just about everything except involving a fetus.   
It is very easy to make judgments about values people hold, especially 
if you hold a differing one or one in opposition.  It's easy to label 
them WRONG, and then cite your side of the facts, ignore any facts 
which don't support your value, and hold your head up high and mighty.

My personal operational premise is that all values are  valid to the 
holders of those values  and I negotiate from that premise. I really 
try hard not to label values as good or bad because that starts 
polarization.  The hard part is digging down from the actions and words 
and trying to find the value where they come from. Once you can 
understand the  value where the emotion is coming from, then you have a 
shot at figuring out a solution.  In all the negotiations I have done 
(a very limited sample) I have never seen anyone change their values 
over the issue being negotiated.  My observation is that values by 
their nature are pretty constant and change slowly, over long periods 
of time.

My final two cents is that, and I have said this often, if you run a 
group by consensus and the group doesn't share core values on the 
issues you are concerned with, you are in for some very rough waters.  
It is so much easier to live with, and work consensus with people who 
share core values, even if that means you don't have "diversity".  My 
advise is that if you don't share core values, don't use consensus - 
you will just be wasting your time. I highly recommend reading the book 
"building United Judgment" by the center for conflict resolution if you 
are doing consensus.

Rob Sandelin
Sharingwood.