Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Arguments & Arguers

[Lynn Nadeau (welcome]

Knowing that it doesn't do much good to try to be rational when someone 
is already upset, I let others know ahead of time where I stand: 

"I grew up in a home where no one ever raised their voice (even when 
maybe they should have). If a voice was even a little raised, it 
signified that things were dangerously close to some unspeakable danger, 
out of control, VERY serious. As a result, when people raise their voices 
and exaggerate or get dramatically angry, my Inner Child goes into panic. 
It distresses me a lot. If you yell at each other-- or worse yet, at me-- 
I can't stop you, but I want you to know ahead of time how it makes me 
feel."

We haven't had anyone who is really a loose cannon with anger, but we 
have had people (who all happen to be men) who get dramatic and 
exaggerate in debate and argument for the sake of making their point. 
Between them, they don't seem to mind it-- it's just another "mode". But 
they've done it less around me, once I explained that I was oversensitive 
to it. 

Lynn at RoseWind
where our Common House is breaking ground this month!