Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: ROMANTICIZING NOTHING

[Deb Smyre (dsmyre]

Deb wrote:
>>To say that polyamory is innate or instinctive is a
>>weak argument, since resisting our instinctive urges
>>(to murder, for example) is what supposedly separates
>>us from lower animals.

Silva Wilson <silvawilson [at] yahoo.com> responded:
>To compare loving more than one person with murder
>seems ludicrous and outright frightening.
>And "lower" animals?  I need say nothing more...

        Since my statement seems to have been
        misinterpreted, I'll attempt to clarify.

        Someone indicated they felt polyamory was instinctive, 
        and acting on this instinct was a justification for a poly
        lifestyle.  In other words, it itches, poly people scratch
        it, and then say the itch justifies the scratching.

        Our sexual urges are instinctive, but civilized humans learn
        to control and even repress these urges in order to maintain
        peace and structure in their lives.  For example, we learn to
        remain celibate for a variety of reasons (clergy, premarital purity); 
        we learn to repress urges for family members (incest) or for
        someone under age 18 (pedophilia, statutory rape); most of us
        learn to control urges for someone else's mate (adultery).

        Generally, we don't scratch every itch because to do so would
        cause serious problems in our society.  So, to offer a justification
        for polyamory that says, essentially, we're scratching it because
        it itches, is a weak argument.

        My earlier reference to murder was _not_ a direct comparison
        to polyamory, but rather an example of an instinct that
        we dare not scratch.  

        Deb