Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: ROMANTICIZING NOTHING

[Deb Smyre (dsmyre]

At 03:40 PM 10/23/1999 -0500, Stuart Staniford-Chen wrote:
>
>What specific feelings do you personally have about the concept of someone in
>your community being polyamorous?  (Feelings, not judgements).
>
>What bad thing might happen to you because of a polyamorous neighbour?
>What are your paranoid fantasies here?
                
        I feel as though polyamory is a social experiment populated by
        naive though well-intentioned idealists, and also perhaps 
        by some opportunists seeking extra sex partners.  I feel the
        ideal of polyamory has yet to be realized by most poly people,
        just as the ideal of monogamy escapes most married couples. 

        I don't have paranoid fantasies about polyamory, but I have
        doubts that many poly folk are engaged in true critical reflection
        on the long-term outcomes of polyamory.  I feel that longitudinal
        studies of children and adults in polyamory are needed before any
        honest comparisons to monogamy can be discussed.  

        We all have subjective opinions on this topic.  Until polyamory
        is put under the social research microscope to the same degree
        as monogamy/marriage, our differing personal beliefs are all
        we can exchange in these discussions.

        Stories about 'successful' poly groups are not enough to
        eliminate my doubts.  My personal opinions are not enough
        to curb poly folk's enthusiasm for their chosen lifestyle.

        I feel that ongoing dialog on the subject is a good thing to help
        'keep it real' in our communities.

        Deb