Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: ROMANTICIZING NOTHING

[Stuart Staniford-Chen (stuart]

> Silva Wilson  silvawilson [at] yahoo.com

> I agree that this forum is a good place for this
> discussion, but it has begun to take on a nasty tone
> and the subject seems exhausted.  Perhaps we could

I wonder if the subject is fully exhausted, or it's more that it brings up
strong feelings which are uncomfortable.  I agree with an earlier poster who
pointed out that this is one of the more divisive discussions on this list,
and I agree with you that the discussion has been less courteous, on both
"sides", than is typical of cohousing-l.

My view is that when an issue brings strong feelings up, it's important not
to allow it to turn into an us vs them conflict.  It's also important not to
bury the issue just because it's somewhat uncomfortable.  Conflicts are where
we learn the most (individually and collectively).

I would like to ask those folks who are strongly uncomfortable with
polyamory, why does it make you uncomfortable?  I mean the question in a very
personal way (I'm interested in "I statements" not "You statements".)  

What specific feelings do you personally have about the concept of someone in
your community being polyamorous?  (Feelings, not judgements).

What bad thing might happen to you because of a polyamorous neighbour?  What
are your paranoid fantasies here?

I hope the poly-friendly folk will work on being non-judgemental about anyone
who has the courage to respond to these questions in an authentic way.

Of course, those folks who are simply bored with the discussion should delete
it unread.  That doesn't seem a lot to ask so that those of us who are
interested in it can continue to explore and learn what it means.

Stuart.

-- 
Stuart Staniford-Chen --- President --- Silicon Defense
                   stuart [at] silicondefense.com
(707) 822-4588                     (707) 826-7571 (FAX)