Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Polyamory et al

[Andrea (andrea]

>*To me*,  cohousing is community--and * to me*  a working community is one
>that tolerates, accepts, welcomes diversity in all of its forms and yet at
the same time is
>respectful of the values and sensitivities of its members.  Can't it be
that simple?

That is exactly how this conversation started, with the statement that
polyamory is bad and "I wouldn't live next to *them*..."

It is pretty obvious that there are poly folks in cohousing, there are more
than just those on this list. If you want to be "respectful of the values
and sensitivities of its members," that also means poly people, unless you
are planning to start re-writing the rules to exclude particular groups.

Nobody is advocating giant sex parties on the lawn. We are talking about
mostly private behavior. And if you start talking about restricting this or
that, what about the potential cohousing residents you are courting that
don't approve of homosexuality? Are you going to tell gay couples to not
show affection? Non-traditional religions? Prohibit religious symbols or
discussion? If we are going to go this far, I will bring up that since I am
not a Christian, I don't want to see Christian symbols around the
neighborhood. You see where this is going. The only way to have a safe and
non-threatening community on every front is to completly lack any kind of
diversity at all. If everyone is exactly alike, there is no need for
discussion. And, of course, it would be terribly dull.

Perhaps all this discussion gives the impression that there is a foursome in
every bedroom. No. But when someone suggests that I and everyone like me are
immoral people who should not live next to fine upstanding cohousing
residents, I tend to come out to defend myself. This conversation has been
relatively tame compared to many other lists, just imagine what would happen
if someone announced that gay couples should not subject their cohousing
neighbors to such offensive behavior as holding hands in public.