Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Consensus Decision Making

[Stuart Staniford-Chen (stuart]

"Richard L. Kohlhaas" wrote:
> 
> We would like to know how other groups using consensus decision making
> deal with a situation of a "red card" (blocking a decision) on an important
> issue (e.g. deciding on a developer)
> 
> In our situation, the person blocking the decision is an active, hard-working
> and committed member of the group.

I think it all depends on the situation.  Here's a few random
suggestions based on my experiences of groups being stuck in the past
that may or may not apply to your situation.

I'd suggest reassuring the person who is blocking that they and their
concerns are important.  They'll have a hard time shifting at all, or
will feel very resentful afterwards, if they feel bulldozed.  Blocking a
group is very hard work, and yet is sometimes very important to do. 
(Not always.  I've blocked consensus about stuff that five years later,
I wish I hadn't.  But it is almost always the case that both sides of
the conflict have some useful insight that is worth incorporating into
the final decision. "Everyone has a piece of the truth").

It may be helpful to look *under* the stuck issue.  For example, if your
group is unable to agree on a choice of developer, you could try to come
to consensus on a list of requirements for a good developer for this
group in the abstract.  If you can agree on what the desiderata are, it
may clarify for the group the reasons why there is a disagreement, and
it may make it clearer what the right choice is with respect to this
particular developer.

Another thing to check for is - does everyone have all the relevant
information.  Sometimes, particularly under time pressure, not all
members are fully up to speed on all the relevant facts, and this can
lead people to disagree.  

Another possibility is that there is other stuff going on besides the
immediate issue at hand.  Someone may be resentful at the way some other
decision worked out, or may be unhappy with the process and feel backed
into a corner, or the situation evokes and unconscious memory of
something their choleric and abusive uncle did to them, or...  endless
things.  If so, it can be helpful to explore what these other issues
are.  Not so as to judge and dismiss, but so as to make it clear to
everyone what all the factors are in the decision and how the decision
should be made.  Issues which come up which aren't the immediate issue
may be important to consider, but probably should receive separate
consideration rather than confounding the decision at hand.

Keep lines of communication open.  Especially if people are getting
emotional, it's very easy for a group to fall into two "factions" who
are busy talking to themselves, but not to each other.  Negative bonding
around how unreasonable the other side is can be a great pleasure, but
it's a very dangerous one to the health of the group.  (Negative bonding
is when two or more people deepen their intimacy by sharing with each
other how much they dislike or disagree with some other folks).  It
takes a conscious effort to reach out and keep talking about it to the
"other side". 

If things are getting heated, it can be helpful to get an outside
facilitator or mediator to help work through things.  It's important to
work through the feelings as well as the actual decision (though time
pressure may mean this has to be delayed).

Good luck in your important decision,

Stuart.

(Former resident of N St Cohousing, future resident of Marsh Commons
Cohousing, process groupy at large).