Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Consensus Decision Making

[Gretchen Westlight (gren]

Greetings -

One of the things I've been increasingly sensitive to in our meetings is
what it feels like to be "the cheese" -- as in "the cheese stands alone" 
-- during a meeting.  This can happen when an individual blocks consensus
on a "popular" or important decision, and also when someone comes forward
with a request of the group to meet their "special" needs (e.g.,
disabilities, chemical sensitivities, childcare during meetings, different
spiritual/non beliefs, etc.).

Occasionally, when I have been in either of these situations, I have felt
afraid and alone and wondered if the world was going to come crashing
down.  I hope that as my confidence increases, my fears will lessen (it
helps that we have lost some of our more bullying members ;-).  I also
hope that our group will become a little more gentle with folks who are
"the cheese."  It is so easy to be judgmental and resentful and
dismissive, and it is so hard to put yourself forward in a group where you
know to expect that kind of response.  (Idealistically, I think it should
be the reverse: easy to ask, hard to judge -- without compromising the
decision at hand.)

In the meantime, I try to check in with "the cheese" and offer my moral
support for their willingness to stick their neck out.  At the very least,
I express my admiration during our Acknowledgements/Appreciations section
or during our Meeting Evaluation.  I think it is so important to be
welcoming of the diversity of opinions and needs; eventually, it helps us
make better decisions and helps us understand each other better.  And
*that's* what it's all about! :-) 

I don't know how other groups do these things, but after we take a straw
poll or poll for consensus, we invite folks who hold up anything other
than a blue card to share their concerns.  If more information is needed
by the dissenters, it can be offered or the decision postponed until more
research is done.  If it gets into rebuttals, then the more involved
processes previously described by the "process groupies" ;-) is usually
called for.  Also, posting a proposal ahead of time and asking for input
before the meeting allows the proposers to gather more information and
anticipate concerns in their presentation.  The better prepared *everyone*
is, the more smoothly things TEND to go.  But then there is always the
mystery of our hearts... 

Finally, I would suggest using a meeting format designed to bring forth
those underlying concerns (Council Process or Listening/Sharing Meeting).
We have found that until we do that on a "controversial" issue, it's hard
and time consuming -- if not impossible -- to achieve consensus.  There
are lots of facilitator tricks too, like Fish Bowl or Defining the
Problem, that can help.  (See my recent post on Meeting Formats if you
want more info.) 

Good luck!


Gretchen Westlight
Cascadia Commons Cohousing
Portland, Oregon, USA