Re: Communication when times are stressful | <– Date –> <– Thread –> |
From: Elizabeth Stevenson (lilbert![]() |
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Date: Thu, 23 Nov 2000 22:48:18 -0700 (MST) |
Four hours is WAY too much time to spend on a business meeting. Much more work needs to be done in committee. But in order to let committees do work, you have to trust each other, and you need to have a solid community to do that. I'm not sure what you mean by community building, but it sounds like there are alot of issues getting swept under the rug. Who sets the agendas for meetings? You need to make it clear that community issues have to be on the agenda, even if it means you have to put a business decision aside. Are there really no committees that could be making the smaller decisions? The other things you need to do are have fun together and share work together. The best thing for getting an onerous task done is to have help. If you aren't doing work parties yet, start. And you need to play more. It doesn't take a whole lot of time to do something fun. It can even be a ten minute break in the meeting. Sing a song, or whatever. Sometimes it can be frustrating to hear about other groups that are up and running who had relatively few major obstacles. Those of us who had nightmarish move-in periods are well aware of what you are going through, and believe me, it will get better. There is a time after move in when you need to transition from urgent decision-making to everyday life, and there is a period of burnout that most groups suffer. We have a Community Life committee that is in charge of the sorts of things that are getting neglected in your community. If you don't have such a body, you could start one. Some of the things we have done(and I'm sure there are alot of suggestions in the archives too) are sing-alongs, game nights, holiday parties, birthday celebrations, movie nights, etc. Having a retreat is also nice, if you have the resources. It's rough at the start, but you will look back on some of the difficulties and realize that you were building community even when you weren't aware of it. And people will communicate better when they are not as stressed out over the state of unrest at your site. Good Luck, and Happy Thanksgiving. -- Liz Stevenson Southside Park Cohousing Sacramento, California ---------- >From: "March Twisdale" <march [at] duwamish.net> >To: Multiple recipients of list <cohousing-l [at] freedom2.mtn.org> >Subject: Communication when times are stressful >Date: Thu, Nov 23, 2000, 7:43 PM > > Dear Fellow Cohousers, > > Hi, my name is March and I've not posted in awhile. I have just looked > through the archives, but I feel that I'll need some back and forth > discussion to better work through my current frustrations. Let me give a > quick background of where we're at here in Duwamish Cohousing: > > Basically, construction of our 23 unit community (plus a CH and a small > commons) was to take 9 months and be completed in April of 2000. Today is > Thanksgiving of 2000 and we just got into our Common House about two weeks > ago. We just attained substantial completion on Nov. 9th. We finally had > all moved in between June 17-July 25th and have been living with > construction workers constantly coming in and out of our homes, repainting, > retexurizing, ripping up plants, fixing the heating, lighting, etc. It is > very stressful for some of us and annoying for all of us. > > So, I joined in March or April of 1999 and have been somewhat concerned > from the get-go about how much "Community Building" gets put off for "the > next meeting" while mostly only business stuff gets done. Once we moved in, > we had all talked about how much easier it would be to attend to the living > together stuff, communication, etc. However, when we did finally move in > people were so stressed by the construction and moving issues that instead a > lot of negative attention got focused on the length of meetings (4 hours > every Sunday) and we cut back to every other week meetings. Then we cut > back to 3 hour meetings and now we are down to 2-hour meetings every other > week. > > Maybe I'm wrong, but 4 hours together a month (only 4 months into living > together) as a community doesn't seem like a lot of time....AND we are still > shunting the Community Building stuff off to this imaginary "next meeting". > This really bothers me because I see all sorts of normal "American" style > behaviors emerging amongst our members...communication is falling > apart...cliques are forming...people are feeling isolated...feelings are > being hurt...and trust is suffering. This is what I hear from others and > feel myself. > > So, my question is....how can I encourage more attention to these > issues? We even have a "CPR" (Conflict Prevention & Resolution) team set > up....but until this week they were too busy to meet until we had a problem > to deal with....where's the Prevention in that? AND....I had problems way > back (as have others) but there's a big sense of people being too stressed > to deal with the less important issues of communication. We've had teams of > people out working on Sweat Equity projects every weekend,...but no one will > gather to talk about communication. Even talking about the kids (there are > 18 children in our community so it's a big issue) gets chronically cut from > our agendas. > > I'm frustrated because we're spending time on the superficial, business > stuff....and ignoring the infinitely more difficult and more important > interpersonal stuff. I'm scared that we will fall apart on the inside while > our outsides finally get finished! > > Thanks for all input from others who have been there, > March > >
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Communication when times are stressful March Twisdale, November 23 2000
- Re: Communication when times are stressful Elizabeth Stevenson, November 23 2000
- Re: Communication when times are stressful Berrins, November 23 2000
- Re: Communication when times are stressful Hans Tilstra, November 23 2000
- Re: Communication when times are stressful Dahako, November 24 2000
- Re: Communication when times are stressful Steve Williams, November 24 2000
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