Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Re: Work value by interests

[David Mandel (dlmandel]

I've been reading the comments on this subject and think the exchange between 
Rob
and Marty encapsulates the issue very well. I've said something like this 
before:
Rob's community, by his description, sounds like a way highly involved group of
beings, at least as far as work participation goes. I don't think it applies to
most of the rest of us, who are maybe only slightly more highly evolved and
involved in community than the American norm. Marty's impressions sound more
typical -- and authentic -- from my experience.

A few words that might help explain: I think it's an awful mistake and the root 
of
much of the problem being discussed to bill cohousing as a way to make one's 
life
significantly easier. A lot richer, perhaps. But the same basic work needs to be
done, and a much larger group of people needs to organize participation in 
getting
it done -- and knows when it isn't done. Perhaps the healthiest way to be sure
that expectation is realistic is to discuss and commit, preferably in a written
participation agreement, what the group consensus is in terms of minimum
expectations. This will evolve over time, of course, and may vary a lot from one
group to another, as will the methods and extent of counting and recording.  One
universal given, however, is acceptance of the fact that it is not possible or
desirable to impose absolute equality of participation. I doubt if any two 
people
could even agree on what that means.

After 7.5 years, I think my group has gotten a lot closer to this  type of 
needed
understanding, but not without our share of long discussions, arguments,
resentments and overhauls of the work system. For specifics, I suggest that the
newer groups look through the archives of this listserve, because a lot of 
issues
have been raised and systems described by veteran community members.

David Mandel, Sacramento

By the way, in our community, cooking participation is universal, without 
relation
to how often one eats in the CH. I think it was just considered such a central
part of the cohousing idea that it became one of those expectations from the 
start
and no one questions it. Yes, it's considered distinct from other work
requirements, but without any connection to whether anyone considers cooking 
more
or less valuable or important than other work. It just is. In that portion of 
our
consciousness, I guess we are more highly evolved than some others. ... Perhaps
part of the explanation is the very simple systems of meal scheduling and
accounting that we adopted. After reading some of the others' complexities 
lately,
I'm convinced ours makes both for significantly cheaper meals and for greater 
ease
of participation by those who might be a little reluctant. Again, look in the
archives for details, I've described them before there.


MartyR707 [at] aol.com wrote:

> In a message dated 4/18/01 5:43:46 PM, Rob S. writes:
>
> >I think the wrong question about work, that is too often asked is: Is it
> >fair? I think the right question is: Are you happy? If you are happy doing
> >25 hours a week gardening then that's great. If you are happy not doing
> >any gardening, but find reading to kids after dinner is your joy, that's good
> >too. The fact that one is more hours than the other is not the correct
> >measure of its value to yourself or to the community.
> >
> >My advice is to find the things that make you happy and do them. If you
> >are unhappy, stop, tell others why, then do things that make you happy. This
> >isa good place for a 80/20 gauge, 80% should be stuff that is your joy, 20%
> >isthe rest of it. Remember, your happiness is nobody else's job but yours
> >andyou only get, if you are lucky, 100 years or so to figure this out.
>
> Rob,
> This sounds so nice, but I can't quite grab hold of it - and I can't see it
> working here.  Maybe because we are a smaller community and there are fewer
> adults to do the work.  But, for example, I really hate cleaning the common
> house - I think most of us dislike it, but we have all agreed to do our share
> so it is not a large burden for anyone.  I really can't fathom saying "I'm
> not going to clean the common house because it does not bring me happiness."
>
> I think there are many here who don't love to cook, but they are willing to
> do their share because they love to eat someone else's cooking.  there are a
> few who do love to cook, but I don't think they will be willing to cook all
> the meals.
>
> I tried dropping back a bit after move-in because I was burned out from 5
> years of hard work to get here.  It was OK for awhle, but I sensed it was
> time to get back in and "do my share".  I would truly be happier doing less I
> think, but I would feel bad if things were not getting done.  And I feel bad
> also when I see people who do very little.
>
> I don't know - I'll have to think more on this...
>
> Marty Roberts
> Two Acre Wood, Sebastopol, CA
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