Cohousing-L Mailing List: Conference Notes Part 1

[pattymara (pattymara]

Dear List,
I finally got my notes typed up.  In this post I included notes from Eric
Utne's opening speech, and one session:  "Facilitation in the Fire".  

North American Cohousing Conference, Berkeley 2001       Notes by Patty
Mara Gourley
Opening Presentation by Eric Utne:  
?Changing the World and Yourself  by Creating Community?
        For 99% of human history on earth, we have lived in tribes of 12 - 36
people. 
For the full flowering of the human spirit, humans needed to live in
small groups-tribes or villages.  It was only in times of war that the
nuclear family group prevails, because it is the most mobile unit. 
(Margaret Mead)
        Eric sees our task as ?finding, feeling and following our heart?.
        Rudolph Steiner:  ?The central task in this century is community: 
learning to see another?s pain as one?s own.?
        Qualities of heart needed for community living:  patience, generosity,
humbleness, good temper, sincerity, courage, stamina.
        In community one has to accept the whole package:  both the light and
the shadow.  You don?t get a line item veto.
        Eric suggests that if we want to make a change in our culture or our
country, a very powerful stance is to ?act as if it were already so.? 
The ?acting as if? creates a powerful cumulative effect, and change
happens. 


Facilitation in the Fire:  Finding Consensus When the Heat is On.
Presented by Laird Shaub and Tree Bresson
        The session opened with the suggestion that we do a role play to
demonstrate a meeting with a difficult issue: creating a Pet Policy in
community.  12 volunteers were given slips of paper that described the
person they were supposed to portray.  My paper read:  ?Mauer- wandering
off topic frequently, nice person, but unfocused.?  Three other
volunteers were chosen to take turns facilitating the meeting.  .  As the
facilitators ran the discussion, Laird and Tree would take notes, make
comments and sometimes suggest another approach.  
        We had a great time playing our roles.  It became clear that some of the
other roles were:  the pet lover, the poop hater,  the noise sensitive,
the linear thinker, the feeler, the animal rights activist, the ?let?s
cut to the chase and stop all this whining? guy.  I took great pleasure
in playing my role because it is one of my pet peeves when someone
diverts the discussion by wandering off topic.  The facilitators all
handled me gently but firmly, keeping the discussion on topic.
        It was remarkable how this exercise brought up all the familiar issues
around pets in community that we have spent time on in the past.  It
offered good modeling for those who haven?t moved into their community
yet.  
        Some of the interesting facilitation nuggets:
Good facilitation is about disagreeing constructively.  How do we
disagree and have it work?
After a circle check, summarize all the comments.
What do we do with feelings?  Make agreements on a community level about
what to do with feelings.  They cannot be ignored.  Based on these
agreements, the facilitator can respond to the feelings when they come up
in meetings. 
It was remarkable how this exercise brought up all the familiar issues
around pets in community that we have spent time on in the past.  It
offered good modeling for those who haven?t moved into their community
yet.  
Some of the interesting facilitation nuggets:
Good facilitation is about disagreeing constructively.  How do we
disagree and have it work?
After a circle check, summarize all the comments.
What do we do with feelings?  Make agreements on a community level about
what to do with feelings.  They cannot be ignored.  Based on these
agreements, the facilitator can respond to the feelings when they come up
in meetings.
        A good facilitator is Everyone?s Ally.
        When feelings flare up, acknowledge them, don?t skate over them in an
attempt to keep the business discussion going forward.  Take 60 seconds
to diffuse the feelings by acknowledging and naming them, perhaps
paraphrasing the feelings, and check to see if the person feels heard. 
By ?hearing? the feelings of one person, you also create an alignment
with the others in the room who may be silently agreeing with the person
expressing feelings.    The task of the facilitator at this point is to
Insist on Staying On Topic.  Ask:  What information came out of the
feelings that were expressed?  Then move forward on the topic.  
        When sarcasm is used in group discussions, trust is lost.  Avoid
sarcasm.
        Check in on personal boundaries during the course of discussions.  Ask
the group and individuals if appropriate ?Are you comfortable with this??
        Beware of polarities: this OR that.  Don?t create or assume polarities
in the group.  A good facilitator reflects the common ground of the issue
over and over and over.  Find and reflect the common ground to diffuse
polarities, and move closer to agreements.
        Be careful about approaching problems with just a linear view.  Often a
linear approach can shut down creative energy.  
Use tools like:  
1.  Assign a scribe to write on a pad or board which everyone can see. 
Record the points of discussion so there is a visual record of what
people say.  People learn and process information differently.  Provide
multiple access to information.  In discussions we depend on VERBAL
framing, but it is also useful to add a VISUAL framing by using a scribe.
 Also, by writing down points of information, or feelings, or
observations made, individuals will feel more ?heard? when their point is
made ?visible? by the scribe.  
2.  If the group is large and the issue is hot, break up into small
groups, where it provides everyone with the chance to speak in a safer,
smaller arena.  Then the small groups report back to the large group.
Discussion continues from there. 
3.  Take breaks in the meeting to stretch and release energy.  
4.  Pause to breathe.  Some groups have a 5 second pause between each
comment to let it sink in.  Breathe.
5.  Strive to create heart connections during meetings.  Remember that it
is a RATIONAL act to acknowledge feelings.   (Heart Math tidbit:  60-65%
of the cells of the human heart are neuron cells, operating just like the
neurons of the brain, with synapses and electrical ?brain? wave fields.)
6.  At the end of a discussion, or a general meeting, make assessments. 
End the meeting with a positive evaluation, see the glass half full,
rather than half empty.  If agreements were not reached, highlight
Partial Products.  What partial agreements were made that bring the group
farther along the road to consensus?  What are we closer to?  What are
the loose ends that still need attention?
7.  Debriefing.  The facilitation team can help each other by debriefing
one another after meetings to help hone skills.    





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