Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Email & introversion

[Michael D (ohanamd]

> The reason they are noticed in email is that written communications are
just
> that -- written. If you write clearly (as none of us ever does all the
time)
> the message is clear (er).

Communication research tells us that, on the average, 7% of the message is
carried by the words themselves.  38% is carried by tone of voice,
inflection, volume, and other verbal factors.  55% is carried by non-verbal
factors (for example, body posture, gestures, facial expressions).

In other words, the written message loses, on the average, 93% of the
available information.

To consider: Take the words "I love you."  Seems pretty clear?  I've
identified over 25 different messages that can be sent with those 3 words in
that order - everything from "I cherish you" to "I want your body" to "I
love you even though nobody else does" to "You've got to be crazy thinking I
could love you" and so on.

Written communication of any kind (not just e-mail) is tricky business.
What makes skillful writers is their ability to give enough description and
context to increase the communicative value of what they write.  Most people
don't write that well.

> without the added distractions of shoulder
> shrugging, laughter, overbearing tone, screaming, tears, chest pounding,
and
> arms crossing.

Those aren't distractions.  They're part of the message.

For example, "I want to go out tonight" is a very different message when
delivered with a loving expression, open body posture, and open hands than
it is delivered with a furious expression, clenched jaw, puffed up chest,
and closed fist.

> Apart from "me too" messages and spam, email more than any other means of
> communication, has broaden and increased communications, freeing it from
> space time constraints _and_ of controls. I treasure the ability to sit
and
> think about things and send a message at my convenience to others who read
> it at their convenience and have the same option of thinking before
> speaking.

I agree with you here, despite the limitations of written communication.
I'd never be having this conversation, for example, without e-mail.

> I love email. But I'm also an extreme introvert -- not shy. I just enjoy
my
> own space.

Well, this is a different topic.  Introverted isn't the same as shy.
Introverted people are energetically drained by groups and crowds and
recharge by being alone or with an intimate other.  We (I am one) go home
from a party, for example, feeling tired.  We may act very sociable when
with people, though.

Extraverts, on the other hand, are energized by groups and crowds.  They
thrive with lots of other people and don't really need much time alone.

An extravert would love being in a large family with people around all the
time.  An introvert would feel overwhelmed by it.  An introvert would love a
small family with lots of private time.  An extravert would feel bored by
that.

Communes are an extraverted idea of community.  I often think that cohousing
is an introvert's idea of community.  We get together sometimes, then we get
to go be alone again.

Namaste,
Michael D
Heart Song Community
Santa Fe, NM


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