Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: RE: communication

[Howard Landman (howard]

> "Hand me them pliers,
> willya?" is not emotion-laden (OK, if you want to invent exotic situations
> where it would be, I acknowledge the possibility) and the world would be a
> ridiculous place if the next worker on the assembly line came back with
> "Your nonverbals tell me you really don't want the pliers".

Or worse, "Your nonverbals tell me you don't love me".

That's pretty much how my marriage ended, when it became impossible
to have a 30-second rational conversation without getting flushed down a
2-hour emotional rathole.  Ridiculousness and ridiculosity.  I don't mind
"speaking Venusian" at times, but any partner of mine had damn well better
be able to "speak Martian" when the situation warrants it.  (See
DISCLAIMER below.)

Yes Gray is pop and narrowminded, but he at least does the useful
service of reminding us that different people and situations call for
different communication techniques.  I personally found that helpful.

In cohousing, you don't get to select your partners for rationality or
anything much else (except by leaving).  You're almost guaranteed to get
a mixed bag.  Be prepared to have large fractions of public discussions
seem pointless.  Be prepared to appear pointless to others at times.
Strive to understand anyway.

        Howard A. Landman
        River Rock Cohousing, Fort Collins CO

DISCLAIMER: I used to be a Meyers-Briggs 100% T (ENTP), but than I had
my midlife crisis / spiritual emergency / mystical awakening / yakudoshi,
which cracked open the eggshell and let all the gooey emotional stuff pour
out.  After I integrated all that, I found I was Meyers-Briggs 95% T.
This, to me, is being balanced, whole, and in touch with my feelings.  :-)
_______________________________________________
Cohousing-L mailing list
Cohousing-L [at] cohousing.org  Unsubscribe  and other info:
http://www.communityforum.net/mailman/listinfo/cohousing-l