Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Taxes and the Common Good

[Rosa Leah (rcarson]

On Tue, 2 Oct 2001, Rowenahc wrote:

> 
> Molly Williams said:
> "We are non-parents, most of whose property taxes goes to pay for the local
> public school system. While I believe that having an educated
> populace is a benefit to the whole society, parents or not, it still
> irks me to have to pay ever-increasing taxes for other people's kids
> to go to school."
> 
> I find it surprising to find this kind of sentiment on a cohousing
> list, since a major value shared by most cohousers is that community
> is vitally important and that community occurs when we all try to pay
> attention to the needs of our neighbors not just ourselves.

It seems to me that this thread is getting tangled on the issue of
children, and specifics on that front, rather than the question of "how
does the community deal with things that directly benefit some but not
other members of the community?"  


Anything having to do with children is complicated here:  On the one hand,
you have non-parents feeling like they're being asked to take some level
of responsibility for other people's children.  This might be touchy
because they feel imposed upon, or because they feel their portion of the
assistance is being taken for granted.  It might also be touchy for more
personal reasons, like wanting kids and not being able to have them, or
not wanting kids and feeling social pressure about that choice.  On the
other hand, you have parents feeling like their children are part of the
community and therefore, the community should pitch in on things like
child care for community events (in cohousing) or education (in the larger
social structure).  Raising children is expensive, but it does benefit the
community and society as a whole.  How can the community support parents
and be welcoming of children while not alienating non-parents?

The main thing, to my mind, to alleviate this kind of tension, is for
there to be recognition of the work everyone does.  When I play with
someone else's child/ren, I do so because I enjoy it, but it's still
really nice to get a thank you, or some other statement of
appreciation.  Just the same way that I might help with the dishes at
someone else's house after having dinner there and feel good about being
thanked and appreciated for that.  In both of these cases, I derive a
benefit from the time I spend playing with children or doing dishes -- I
get to form a r'ship with the children, or I just had a nice dinner cooked
by someone else (yes, my cohousing community is not yet built :), but so
does the other person benefit -- the parents get a little rest from their
child, or the cook gets to relax after dinner rather than cleaning.

In my own life, confronting parental and other expectations of help, the
sense of entitlement to my assistance is what ends up raising my
hackles.  Do I think non-parents should help with childcare in cohousing
for group events or meetings?  You bet!  Do I think they deserve
appreciation for that?  Yes, I do.  Otherwise, it feels onerous and
unfair, even if it only comes out to a few dollars a month.

My two cents,
Rosa

Mosaic Commons Cohousing
somewhere, eastern MA
http://www.mosaic-commons.org

         And why should night and day be so radically divided?
             Is there anyone for whom loving and thinking
                 are lived as different beginnings?
 Would I have to spend my days with the one and my nights with the other?
                       -- Luce Irigaray

_______________________________________________
Cohousing-L mailing list
Cohousing-L [at] cohousing.org  Unsubscribe  and other info:
http://www.communityforum.net/mailman/listinfo/cohousing-l