Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Taxes and the Common Good

[Molly Williams (mmw]

Rosa,

I appreciate your two cents and agree with what you've said. (I was
going to pull out the parts I most agreed with, but that would be
the whole message!)  Thanks for your thoughtful post, which also
gets to the point of the original post, perceived feelings of
entitlement.  

~ Molly Wms.

Rosa Leah wrote:

<others' comments snipped>

> It seems to me that this thread is getting tangled on the issue of
> children, and specifics on that front, rather than the question of "how
> does the community deal with things that directly benefit some but not
> other members of the community?"
> 
> Anything having to do with children is complicated here:  On the one hand,
> you have non-parents feeling like they're being asked to take some level
> of responsibility for other people's children.  This might be touchy
> because they feel imposed upon, or because they feel their portion of the
> assistance is being taken for granted.  It might also be touchy for more
> personal reasons, like wanting kids and not being able to have them, or
> not wanting kids and feeling social pressure about that choice.  On the
> other hand, you have parents feeling like their children are part of the
> community and therefore, the community should pitch in on things like
> child care for community events (in cohousing) or education (in the larger
> social structure).  Raising children is expensive, but it does benefit the
> community and society as a whole.  How can the community support parents
> and be welcoming of children while not alienating non-parents?
> 
> The main thing, to my mind, to alleviate this kind of tension, is for
> there to be recognition of the work everyone does.  When I play with
> someone else's child/ren, I do so because I enjoy it, but it's still
> really nice to get a thank you, or some other statement of
> appreciation.  Just the same way that I might help with the dishes at
> someone else's house after having dinner there and feel good about being
> thanked and appreciated for that.  In both of these cases, I derive a
> benefit from the time I spend playing with children or doing dishes -- I
> get to form a r'ship with the children, or I just had a nice dinner cooked
> by someone else (yes, my cohousing community is not yet built :), but so
> does the other person benefit -- the parents get a little rest from their
> child, or the cook gets to relax after dinner rather than cleaning.
> 
> In my own life, confronting parental and other expectations of help, the
> sense of entitlement to my assistance is what ends up raising my
> hackles.  Do I think non-parents should help with childcare in cohousing
> for group events or meetings?  You bet!  Do I think they deserve
> appreciation for that?  Yes, I do.  Otherwise, it feels onerous and
> unfair, even if it only comes out to a few dollars a month.
> 
> My two cents,
> Rosa
> 
> Mosaic Commons Cohousing
> somewhere, eastern MA
> http://www.mosaic-commons.org
> 
>          And why should night and day be so radically divided?
>              Is there anyone for whom loving and thinking
>                  are lived as different beginnings?
>  Would I have to spend my days with the one and my nights with the other?
>                        -- Luce Irigaray
> 
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-- 
Molly Williams
Volunteer, Waterboro Public Library: http://www.waterboro.lib.me.us
mmw [at] waveinter.com

"The essence of immorality is the tendency to make an exception of 
one's self." -- Jane Addams, social worker and Nobel Peace Laureate
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