Cohousing-L Mailing List: Confidentiality and conflict

[Fred H Olson (fholson]

Eileen McCourt Oak Creek Commons emccourt [at] mindspring.com
is the author of the message below but due to a problem 
(included html attachment)
it was posted by Fred the Cohousing-L list manager:  fholson [at] cohousing.org
--------------------  FORWARDED MESSAGE FOLLOWS --------------------

I have recently become engaged in a discourse on the subject of
confidentiality and conflict.  This discourse is focused on two aspects of
group communication.  The first is appropriate communication of information
to the entire group.   The position I am challenging is that information
that can cause conflict, confusion, and uncertainty should be closely
guarded and basically communicated on a need to know basis.  As a member of
steering, project management, and finance committees of our group at one
time or another, I have always felt that one of the contributions I can make
to the group is to facilitate open flow of information, and access to the
inner workings and process of the organization at that level.  

The second aspect of this problem is a situation where I take exception to
the actions of a member, who is acting on the group's behalf, therefore, on
my behalf, and I communicate my opinion in a general forum.  I have been
roundly criticized by more than one group member for not taking my concerns
directly to the member in question, rather than involving the entire
community.  Since, when I have done this, it's because I think the subject
involves the whole group, it seems reasonable to me to bring my
objections/observations to the whole group.  I have to admit that I have
often felt attacked by others under the same circumstances, but I don't
agree that the solution is to have one on one communication.  In my
experience and understanding of group dynamics, the persons in disagreement
are usually representing more broadly held positions than just their own
opinions.  

I'm not convinced that confidentiality is a necessary safeguard for
communication, unless professional ethics, or safety, are part of the
interaction.  I definitely don't think confidentiality has a place in a
consensus driven organization, except possibly in personnel issues and
finances, and only then because social norms have developed a sensitivity to
these topics (which norms are often used to close down open communication
and separate and isolate individuals to disempower them, as in trying to
keep people from sharing salary information).  I also believe that solving
conflicts between individuals as a matter of group concern strengthens
community. 

However, I am willing to consider that I may be wrongheaded in my opinion on
confidentiality and conflict in cohousing.  I am definitely out of step with
lots of other people.   What do you think?  I'm interested.  I've been
getting into a lot of trouble, lately!

Thanks.

--eileen

Eileen McCourt
Oak Creek Commons
Cohousing in Paso Robles, CA
emccourt [at] mindspring.com
http://oakcreekcommons.org/ <http://oakcreekcommons.org/> 





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