Cohousing-L Mailing List: RE: Confidentiality and conflict

[Eileen McCourt (emccourt]

And here I though I was being very open about the problem, but I have been
asked for more specific information.

The first situation, "the need to know problem" involves the Project
Management Team of our group.  This team manages our project manager, and
through him, the schedule, the budget, and the project professionals -
architect, civil engr. etc.  The subject under discussion is whether the
entire group should be drawn into a conversation about jeopardy to the
schedule based on our execution of the design development phase.  There is
disagreement in the team as to what impact member involvement in the design
development phase has on the schedule.  I think the group is too involved,
and lacks discipline to make decisions and stick to them.  I believe it is
the role of the PM Team to set expectations, keep the project on budget,
guide the group in limiting the complexity and the number of designs, and
insist on compromises to reach as much standardization as possible, rather
than make adjustments, add alternative plans, and so forth.  I present my
position and related information to the group that we are jeopardizing the
schedule and budget by continuing to strive for the perfect plan, adding
features, moving doors and closets and opening walls, and generally by
having so many home types.  (Our project manager has not done cohousing
before, so most of the interface with the group is through the PM Team.  As
he gets more comfortable with the group, I think he will be taking a
stronger leadership role with the group, but I also think the design
development will be completed by then.)

Another PM Team member feels that this information is inflammatory, that we
do not have enough specific information to determine the impact of specific
changes and delays to the schedule, and that it causes unease in the group
to point out how we are deviating from our development model.  He also
thinks there is not a mandate from the group to limit the choices ( I think
it's our job to get that mandate).  Of course the schedule has slipped, and
I am aware that using the schedule and budget bolster my arguments, because
the schedule and budget are hot buttons in the group, so I know the info can
lead to intense responses.

For the second point, "the one-on-one problem".  As part of this conflict, I
also think that certain decisions that add complexity to the design process
are being introduced to meet the individual needs of some members, and are
changes to previously consensed decisions.  In response to a communication
to the group by a particular individual outlining what I considered to be
unilateral changes, that added to the number and complexity of the home
types, I opened fire on this person, calling him self-interested and said I
was insulted by the transparency of his argument for the changes.  I was
criticized both for my style (I accept that criticism) and for the content,
my audacity to challenge the motivation of this person as being self-serving
(the content I stand by).   Also, the individual in question sent an email
to the group stating he wished I would contact him directly if I disagreed
with him, at the same time asking everyone whether or not they agreed with
my assessment of his behavior.  I would have been happy to continue the
debate in an open forum, but of course this conflict was highly charged, and
immediately went underground.  I resigned from the PM Team, another member
resigned from the email list because she did not get support in her support
of my adversary, and so on.

So, as Robin pointed out, I'm "really feeling the squeeze" right now.  And I
am disheartened, as I have been more than once, by our inability to handle
conflict and work through it without isolating or demonizing the combatants.
I want the group to be able to hold the conflict and face up to the both the
emotional intensity and the content of disagreements.  I agree with Sharon
that my relationship is with the group, and I want conflicts to be handled
by the group.

--eileen



Original Message-----
From: cohousing-l-admin [at] cohousing.org
[mailto:cohousing-l-admin [at] cohousing.org]On Behalf Of Elizabeth Stevenson
Sent: Sunday, October 07, 2001 1:28 PM
To: cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org
Subject: Re: [C-L]_Confidentiality and conflict

Eileen,

This was such a general question, I'm not sure I understand it. What kind of
information, specifically, needs to be kept from some or most members of
your group? Why have you gotten in trouble? I'd be glad to converse with you
off-list if you can't give specifics.

This sounds like an interesting problem.
--
Liz Stevenson
Southside Park Cohousing
Sacramento California

http://members.home.net/southsideparkcohousing/
tamgoddess [at] home.com

_______________________________________________
Cohousing-L mailing list
Cohousing-L [at] cohousing.org  Unsubscribe  and other info:
http://www.communityforum.net/mailman/listinfo/cohousing-l

_______________________________________________
Cohousing-L mailing list
Cohousing-L [at] cohousing.org  Unsubscribe  and other info:
http://www.communityforum.net/mailman/listinfo/cohousing-l