Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: [C-L] Committee in Trouble

[Cheryl A. Charis-Graves (ccharis]

On 7/19/02 7:54 AM, "Becky Schaller" <bschaller [at] theriver.com> wrote:
 
> My question really had to do with a committee in trouble.  They had been
> assigned to design the wall.  However, they become deadlocked on the
> subject.  They had worked very hard to come to accomplish this task.  They
> asked someone else to come in and facilitate the meetings for them. That
> didn't work.  There's a lot of very strained relationships resulting from
> this committee.  Therefore, they came to the community to help them move
> forward.  
> 
> My question is, How does a community help a committee which is stuck?

Becky,

I read this question and think, Well, it depends on why they are stuck. I
have been living in cohousing for almost 6 years, which means I have been
involved in the process of decision-making with my fellow cohousers for
eight years.

My ability to recognize 'the problem' has changed over those years. As has
my ability to recognize my role in the problem. And I notice that some
people are able to step back and look at their role in the problem and
others are not, continuing to view the situation as a problem "out there."

There are so many reasons why a committee could be stuck. And each reason
would lead to a different response. In my field, we would say a
"differential diagnosis" is called for.

I can't imagine that taking the problem back to the community as a whole
provides the sensitivity and depth that might be required. Maybe. It's just
hard for me to imagine it, based on my experience.

I have been in committees where I thought one personality was driving the
"problems" of the committee. I have also been in committees where I thought
the process was the problem. I think groups get "stuck" because they are not
able to think broadly enough, their view of it gets stuck and thus their
responses get stuck.

One could spend a lot of time trying to figure out the problem. That might
be really useful to the community, in terms of clarifying problematic
dynamics that will surely come up to bite you later on. Or one could start
from now, and ask a series of questions to identify a way out of the stuck
place. I am thinking of questions such as "what is the need we are trying to
address? What are ALL the different ways we can think of to address that
need? What are the questions we must ask our selves to evaluate the
appropriateness of any of these ideas (i.e. is it safe, is it affordable, is
it within our parameters of maintenance, does it violate any
previously-agreed upon policies)?"

Maybe hiring an outside consultant to help the committee/community is called
for.

I also want to say that I have experienced the angst of being in a group
that is stuck, and it's tough. Way tough. It's disheartening. And I think
the way the committee/community responds to the first one or two really
tough issues is critical to the "norm" that is set for your group as a
whole. So it is important, in my opinion, to respond in a thoughtful manner.

Cheryl
Harmony Village in Golden, Colorado
Where a new wildfire is burning, and more lives have been lost in the effort




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