Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: inquiry about conflict resolution techniques

[pattymara (pattymara]

Tierra Nueva is in the midst of a Marshall Rosenberg flurry too...we've
watched videos, two of us went to a weekend seminar, 5 are in an 8 week
study group and another group of us are planning a workbook/practice
weekly class.  Our facilitator bag may soon have a pair of giraffe and
jackal puppets and ears as part of the toolbox.

I highly recommend the training, or anything you can get your hands on. 
The website has the first chapter of the book, Non-Violent Communication:
 http://www.cnvc.org

The process involves coming from a heart connection, creating empathy,
*first* before attempting to craft solutions.  Marshall asserts that this
once a heart connection (like a giraffe's, which has the largest heart of
the land mammals) is made, then true resolution can bubble up.    This
man has brought this very simple process to prisons, warring tribes,
international conflicts, with huge success.  

I am interested to see how we can bring it into our meetings.  So much of
our time is spent crafting solutions to disagreements without paying
attention to our hearts.  The huge responsibility in this work is with
the individual to know what one is feeling, and what needs arise from
those feelings, and then making a request (not a demand) for something
tangible that might fill the need(s).  All worthy work, but not the first
thing that comes up usually in a conflict here (judgements, blame,
criticism, attacks, withdrawals, you know, that familiar stuff we all
do). 

coheartedly,
Patty Mara, Tierra Nueva, Central CA Coast


On Sat, 3 Aug 2002 08:32:58 -0700 "Rob Sandelin" <floriferous [at] msn.com>
writes:
> At Sharingwood there has been a study group of non-violent 
> communication as
> promoted by Marshall Roseburg (although like most things, it is 
> recessed for
> August). The 4 step model this work promotes, while not specifically 
> a
> conflict resolution process, does in fact, resolve conflicts nicely.
> 
> Rob Sandelin
> Sharingwood, where there is still a one bedroom rental available,
> www.sharingwood.org
> 
> 
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: cohousing-l-admin [at] cohousing.org
> [mailto:cohousing-l-admin [at] cohousing.org]On Behalf Of S. Kashdan
> Sent: Wednesday, July 31, 2002 12:02 AM
> To: Cohousing-L, Post To
> Subject: [C-L]_inquiry about conflict resolution techniques
> 
> 
> Hello fellow cohousers,
> 
> Here at Jackson Place Cohousing in the heart of Seattle, we moved in 
> last
> fall and winter. We think we have finally sold our last unit, our 
> common
> meals are happening five times a week, four times on weekday 
> evenings and
> one late morning on weekends, and our gardens are actually growing. 
> A lot of
> things are going well, and we are having some problems that we are 
> working
> on.
> 
> We are also working on developing procedures for better dealing with 
> present
> and future challenges, so we don't have to deal with things ad hoc, 
> as we
> have been basically doing up to now.
> 
> As part of that process, we are working on developing a number of 
> different
> options for dealing with conflict resolution in our community, since 
> we are
> all so different in our approaches.
> 
> 
> We already utilize issues meetings for community-wide issues.
> 
> We are thinking of having an available list of members who are 
> willing to
> offer perspective, advise and support in addressing conflict.
> 
> We are also thinking of paying for those who want it to get conflict
> resolution training.
> 
> In really tense conflicts, we are considering having the option of 
> paying
> for outside mediation.
> 
> We are also thinking of providing an internal structure for 
> mediation, e.g.
> each party can bring a person with them for support, or request that 
> a
> single member be available to mediate.
> 
> We think it would be very helpful to know what specific methods 
> other
> communities use to handle conflict. So, I have searched the 
> Cohousing-L
> archives, and I have especially read over the posts from the end of 
> 2001 and
> the beginning of 2002, reaching into the spring. I noticed that 
> there were a
> lot of good book recommendations (which some of us will follow up), 
> and some
> discussion of specific conflicts and specific problems involved in 
> conflict
> resolution. But, we are hoping to get more concrete descriptions of 
> what, if
> any conflict resolution procedures and techniques other cohousing
> communities are regularly using, and what seems to work well or what 
> doesn't
> work well.
> 
> I would therefore very much appreciate it if you could tell us about 
> the
> specific techniques that your community uses to handle conflict.
> 
> Thanks in advance, from a young and growing cohousing community,
> Sylvie Kashdan
> Jackson Place Cohousing
> 800 Hiawatha Place South
> Seattle, WA 98144
> www.seattlecohousing.org
> 
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