Cohousing-L Mailing List: Interpersonal communication, and coloured cards (was Gossip vs. venting)

[Cathy Angell (CathyAngell]

>We have seen cases in which the person being complained to has felt the
>problem required action and proceeded to tell others.  At one point this
>resulted in an emergency meeting that left some of our members feeling
>ambushed because this was the first they heard that they were the problem.
>They were too shocked to give their side of the story so this meeting did
>not open up communication.
>
>I am having trouble sorting out in my own mind who should say what to whom
>and when.  Any ideas on guidlines?


At Earthsong, Auckland, New Zealand, we do not pretent to have all the
answers by any means.   However we do our best to follow our  Interpersonal
Communication Guidelines, which are :

*    I will use "I" statements, and speak for myself, not others
*    I will speak succinctly (short and to the point)
*    I will take responsibility for owning and naming my own feelings
*    I will respect others' rights to speak without interruption
*    I undertake to respect other's privacy by not discussing outside the
group other people's personal issues which may arise within the group
process
*    I undertake to value and respect different contributions and
perspectives of all individuals
*    I undertake to keep my relationships within the group clear by dealing
with my problematic issues directly with the persons concerned.
*    I recognise that we work best together when we remember to have fun!

We do also use the full set of coloured cards plus  facilitator method for
our full group meetings, and try hard to use them in our smaller focus
groups.

In answer to the question about the origins of the coloured cards, I
understand they are accredited to the Domican Sisters in San Rafael,
California, developed sometime during the 1940's I recall.

For a more detailed look at our ways of working together, you may like to
look at www.cohousing.pl.net under "Process"

Cathy Angell
Earthsong Eco-Neighbourhood

Where we have just celebrated our first christmas with all 17 built homes
fully occupied.  We enjoyed a fabulous feast of a Progressive Dinner last
week,  all finishing in one home with coffee and cake and much laughter over
the present sharing/stealing game.  This celebration began at dusk with each
household contributing a decoration, with which the children adorned on our
only Lemon tree on the green, and those that wanted to also attached their
wishes - one for Earthsong, one for the world, and one for themselves.
Wednesday was a stunningly  gorgeous sunny Southern hemisphere day (in
Auckland at least!) -  the plums are ripening, the apples are forming on the
trees,  the ducks are busy on our
stormwater pond causing mayhem to the newly planted water lillies, and we
are each planning or beginning our main summer holidays.  For those not
travelling away, there is frequently a spontaneous evening gathering around
our outdoor fire pit on the common green.


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