Re: [C-L]_Dealing with difficult personalities <– Date –> <– Thread –>

[don i arkin (shardon5]

What I'm hearing about this "difficult personality" can be summed up in
one word, *CONTROL.*  Her obsessive need to control every decision the
group makes whether most people in the group agree with her or not, to
change the name of the group and all its current processes, etc. identify
her clearly as a control freak.  Probably all of our communities have
some problems with people who have an excessive need for control, and I
wish there was a specific intervention that would work well to help
confront this problem and get people to realize the difference between
*having their say* and *having their way!*  
        Catya expressed the concept of having strong opinions, BUT being
willing to let go of the result when the group doesn't share her opinions
-- "On the other hand, part of the reason that this works is because i
DON'T expect the group to share all of my vision, or that we'll do what I
want all the time."   I think this ability to not be so stubbornly
attached to what one wants is crucial to the success of consensus, altho
Rob doesn't list it as one of his top 7 requirements.  
        Juva's idea of trying to discuss feelings, needs, and behaviours
directly with the person is all fine, but the problem I see is that when
you tell people that "the goal is to get her needs met," some people
interpret that as "I get what I want."  How do we get people comfortable
with giving up control, so the group can function?  Unfortunately, with
some personalities, I'm not very hopeful.          Sharon, from Sonora.
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