Cohousing-L Mailing List: RE: [C-L] Ideas on how to resolve conflicts (WAS_3 top conflict s ources) or versus versus

[Forbes Jan (jan.forbes]

Robyn

The discussion is on conflict sources (see above), as reflected in the
expression "versus".  Unpleasant as it may be, conflict happens and it is
helpful to have a vocabulary to describe it.

On my trip I heard of numerous stand offs between vegetarians and omnivores
in some cases irreconcileable, on just this issue.  None had resolved how to
deal with 'contaminated' cooking utensils, so good to hear that folks at
Pinakarri have.

Versus, versus is an adversarial stance. Rather than changing the subject in
midstream for the sake of making an argument, a more open and conciliatory
approach would be to acknowlege that you would prefer to discuss resolving
conflicts versus sources of conflict per se.  

Jan

-----Original Message-----
From: Robyn [mailto:pov [at] iinet.net.au]
Sent: Friday, 23 May 2003 11:49 AM
To: cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org
Subject: RE: [C-L]_3 top conflict sources




About 1800 emails later...

At Pinakarri, vegetarians and omnivores are happy to eat vegetarian food
most of the time. We have a commitment to not to cook meat in the
commonhouse, so meat dishes are prepared at private homes and served in
the commonhouse which everyone is happy with. I'm one of the meat eaters
and I appreciate that vegos don't won't to eat amidst the smell of
cooked meat. Similarly, as a non-smoker, I don't want smoke around me,
although I haven't an objection to the person smoking.

What concerns me most is HOW we approach any issue of diversity. The
'versus' perspective isn't a helpful starting point, because it
perpetuates an either/or/compromise attitude. There is always a
solution; the issue is how to make it one that everyone is comfortable
with, and build in review and evaluation. It comes from a caring for
other/s, respect for self and recognising boundaries (resources, time,
etc).

Warm regards
Robyn Williams
Pinakarri Community
Fremantle, Western Australia


_______________________________________________
Cohousing-L mailing list
Cohousing-L [at] cohousing.org  Unsubscribe  and other info:
http://www.cohousing.org/cohousing-L
_______________________________________________
Cohousing-L mailing list
Cohousing-L [at] cohousing.org  Unsubscribe  and other info:
http://www.cohousing.org/cohousing-L