Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: "Like-Minded"

[Howard Landman (howard]

> cohousing is not really about "like-mindedness".  Even if we remember to
> use this adjective more carefully and precisely, the point of cohousing is
> not to ferret out those who think like we do and exclude those who don't.

Whether it is done consciously or not, there is still a very powerful
filtering process that takes place during community formation.  People
who are too different will tend to feel that "this isn't my community",
that there aren't enough people they can connect to, and will tend to
leave the group.  This can happen due to:

1. politics (too far left, too far right)
2. religion (too devout, not devout enough, wrong faith)
3. rationality (scientific vs believes in astrology)
4. consumption level (I want a big house for my 3 kids, 4 dogs, and
   numerous hobbies vs everyone should live simply so we should make
   everything as tiny as possible)
5. diet (vegan vs veggie vs omni)
6. children (want lots around vs want none and peace and quiet)
7. income (e.g. want to pay to have everything finished off nicely vs
   can't afford it and want to do as much sweat equity as possible)
8. interaction style (high maintenance vs low maintenance)
9. special interests shared or not (singing, community meals, art,
   social work, ...)
10.social ideals (e.g. Ghandian "no untouchables" so everybody cleans
   the common house vs I'd rather pay somebody to do my cleaning since
   that doesn't build community for me)
11.other people in the community who grate on them for whatever reason
12.differing visions of safety (do you lock doors? do you own a gun?
   is putting up a surveillance camera a reasonable response to cars
   being broken into?)

and many other reasons that I haven't listed.

People often set lofty goals of "diversity" only to find that most of
the diverse people actually prefer to live somewhere else.  (I often
hear laments about this "failure". :-)  Cohousing is not for everyone.

Some of the above change after move-in.  For example, item 6 may filter
differently after the landscaping is more or less complete than it did
when the community was a pile of dirt.  So people buying units after a
community is completed may differ on average from those who founded it.

Some of them change as the community matures and gains more experience
with itself.  River Rock is currently in the process of revisiting and
revising its "vision statement" - a general outline of what we want to
be for each other - because parts of it don't seem to fit any more.  
It's difficult to identify what changed to make this so, but certainly
it wasn't the words on the paper.  They're the same.  WE changed somehow.
Partly this may have been old people leaving and new people arriving,
but some of it is surely individuals growing and changing and gaining
experience with cohousing and with our community.

        Howard A. Landman
        River Rock Commons
        Fort Collins, Colorado
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