Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: "Like-Minded"

[Howard Landman (howard]

Elaine wrote:
> Just read my own post. Maybe i should have added vain and arrogant to the
> list? LOL.
> >In my community everyone is ...highly intelligent...like me

Hmmm ... I wrestle with that sort of thing a lot since my intelligence
is at least +4 sigma, probably more like +6 or so ... the only time
I'm in a community with that kind of IQ is when I go to a math conference
and hang out with people like John Conway or Donald Knuth.  I deeply
enjoy those rare moments when I can be pretty sure that I'm the stupidest
person in the room.  I think Penn Gilette (of Penn & Teller) said: "I was
the smartest person in my high school and now I'm the stupidest person in
my peer group, and I'm really proud of that."

I don't know.  Being smart is kind of like being tall.  I can do some things
shorter people can't do as easily, like grab stuff off a high shelf.  But I
also hit my head on light fixtures a lot, a lot of beds that are fine for
other people are very uncomfortable for me.  It has plusses and minuses.

For me, where "vain" and "arrogant" start applying is when you either
start believing things that aren't true, or when you start thinking
that just because you're gifted one way or another that makes you a
better human being than someone else.  We don't have any control over
what we're given at birth.  We DO have control over what we do with it.
(Einstein: "I am neither especially clever nor especially gifted.  I am
only very, very curious.")  I really admire people who do the best they
can with whatever they have.

I have learned, painfully, that perceived inequality is a deeply emotional
issue for many people.  "The nail that stands out gets hammered down." -
Japanese proverb.  It's "not nice" or "bragging" to do anything that
reminds other people that you might be better at something than they are.
(Even if - as is usually the case - they also are better at something
than you are.)  We get conditioned to "hide our light under a basket" to
avoid such negative responses.  We become afraid of our own power.
Afraid to show it.  Afraid to use it.

I think true humility is not denying one's gifts, but putting them
in service of something worthy.

There are some people for whom cohousing itself IS that something
worthy.  They dedicate immense amounts of energy to form communities
and keep them running.  I respect that, but for me it's only one
of many worthy things, and so my energies are split.  I believe this
is true for many others as well.

A lot of the conflicts and discussions about "participation" seem to me
to be fundamentally about this question.  Is cohousing the most
important thing in your life?  Or isn't it?  Many questions about
whether to do this or that have answers that divide right at that point.
Many unfulfilled expectations run aground on that rock.

In My Not-So-Humble Opinion.  :-)

        Howard A. Landman
        River Rock Commons
        Fort Collins, Colorado
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