Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Collective housing & Couples

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

On Apr 22, 2005, at 6:00 PM, whitney beers wrote:

> At one time in our history we had a difficult period that I believe 
> was fueled by having a couple involved rather than all single folks - 
> there was some sort of ownership issue that set the balance off and 
> made the kitchen seem more "theirs" than "ours."  Could have been just 
> a coincidence.

Probably not. I find that couples tend to do this. It's a very hard 
balance to respect their relationship and to respond to them as 
individuals because they tend to respond as a couple and to take the 
role of parents, particularly in a household situation. Couple = adult. 
Single = children.

The most extreme example of this was a single friend who was placed at 
the children's table at a family gathering because she was single. Only 
couples were seated at the adult table.

And then there was the time the Unitarian church treasurer drew up a 
list of all the members who were to be canvassed for the annual pledge 
drive and listed only couples. When I remarked on this, he said they 
were the only ones with money! This was an urban church with an active 
Singles Saturday group, many of whom were over 40 and established 
professionals AND very active in the church including the Board. There 
were three of us sitting in the room when he said this.

Sharon
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Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
http://www.takomavillage.org