Cohousing-L Mailing List: queries during conflict

[Tree Bressen (tree]

Hi,

I thought folks might appreciate knowing about this list of questions i 
just posted to my website at 
http://treegroup.info/toolbox/B16-conflict_questions.html.  It's a list i 
have written for people to consider when facing a conflict in their group, 
particularly conflicts that have been around a while and are still feeling 
stuck.  These questions grow out of my observation that when someone is 
stuck in a conflict, they typically feel unempowered--they are wishing the 
other person would change, only they can't control that, and so they feel 
frustrated.  This list tries to directly address that feeling of 
disempowerment by asking each party to look at their own contribution.  I 
have used these questions successfully in one past situation and will be 
trying them out with another group later this week.

I would enjoy hearing other queries that people have found helpful in 
unblocking situations of this kind.

Cheers,

--Tree




Questions to Consider during a Group Conflict

by Tree Bressen

If this issue has been with your group for a long time now, what are you 
going to do differently today in order to help create a shift?

What do you appreciate that has been done by someone you disagreed with on 
this issue?

What do you feel proud of in how you've handled this issue? What do you 
feel you sorry about?

What do you understand of the other party's concerns? What do you think 
their understandable, legitimate internal story is about what's been 
happening? Can you fairly represent their viewpoint in a discussion?

What key piece(s) have you not felt heard about so far? What do you most 
want others to understand?

What is your power in this situation?

What have you contributed that made it turn out the way it has so far? What 
might you want to do differently now? What responsibility can you take for 
co-creating a better future?





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Tree Bressen
1680 Walnut St.
Eugene, OR 97403
(541) 484-1156
tree [at] ic.org
http://www.treegroup.info