Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Let's Try That Again: Aging In Place In Cohousing

[ken (gebser]

On Fri, 24 Mar 2006 03:57:50 -0800 (PST) Caren Albercook
<calbercook [at] yahoo.com> wrote:

> Hi Guys,
>    I'm really surprised by the lack of interest in
> this issue.  Maybe it's because I'm a physician and
> deal with this all day long that it's so real to me.  

Caren, I appreciate very much your concern.  I just don't have much to
say on this issue.


>    Aging happens slowly with a gradual lessening of
> energy and memory, that eventually results in falls or
> car accidents.  It's harder and harder to get things
> done and so the recyclables pile up and the running
> toilet goes unrepaired and community jobs go undone.  

Don't forget that bills may go unpaid.  These can have significant
financial consequences.  Of course this manner of inattention happens
to young and healthy people when, say, they come down with the flu.  I
would think that seniors would be more accepting of concern and
measures if they were part of the same "program" which cared for
younger members during times of illness/injury.  Is there such
a program in place already or is this done informally?


>    We neighbors are the best situated to notice these
> early changes, even more than the visiting kids. 
> Doing something about it is the challenge.  We work so
> hard in cohousing to respect and value others opinions
> that I think it reinforces the already existing social
> reticence to discuss this.  

It's unfortunate that people have gotten away from the idea of having
friends.


>    There's also the question of who is responsible for
> our elders, the kids or the neighbors?  And we often
> don't have a relationship with the visiting kids from
> which to open the topic.   

The way a question is framed can and often does influence the solution
that is attempted and then too the success of that attempt.  In this
sort of situation we don't need to see our responsibility as Boolean, as
either total or null, as either completely my responsibility or
completely someone else's and not mine at all.  The question then
becomes simply, How can I help someone needing help?  I've been
fortunate to have met a couple people who were able to help others in
such a way that made their assistance not at all institutional or
systemic or even a personal quid pro quo. Their assistance was virtually
imperceptible, just part and parcel of an ordinary day.  No debt was
incurred because it wasn't apparent that help was provided-- except
upon reflection long after the fact.


>    The issue my neighbor was so aware of is her
> lessening ability to do her community work.  She
> doesn't want to be a burden, but how will she do her
> share of meal work or community scut work?  And we all
> know theres more of that to go around than there are
> people to do it.
>    The only wisdom I've reached so far is to get some
> system/expectations in place for our elders so that
> the transition is expected/smoothed/less stigmatized. 
> I like the idea of care circles but it assumes the
> person is comfortable with being the focus of
> care/receiving.  It does leave someone more capable
> coordinating the care. Hope to hear more from you.  Caren



-- 
"This world ain't big enough for the both of us,"
said the big noema to the little noema.