Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Let's Try That Again: Aging In Place In Cohousing

[Lia Olson (liajo]

    <The question then
becomes simply, How can I help someone needing help? I've been
fortunate to have met a couple people who were able to help others in
such a way that made their assistance not at all institutional or
systemic or even a personal quid pro quo. Their assistance was virtually
imperceptible, just part and parcel of an ordinary day. No debt was
incurred because it wasn't apparent that help was provided-- except
upon reflection long after the fact.>
   
  This is the best and most heart-warming contribution I've seen to this 
discussion, though the quality of reflection from everyone gives hope for the 
planet.   I work with individuals who are in need, and, from experience, have 
come to the conclusion that all the well-meaning programs in the world do not 
substitute for the tangible expression of simple human caring.  You can add 
systemic support to the mix, but it will never meet the true need to be part of 
a web of connection in which your identity rests in who you are, not in either 
your disabilities or your contributions.   
   
  For myself, I don't keep tally on what I give to who, or who gives what to 
me.  I figure that if we all just ask that simple question mentioned above (How 
can I help someone needing help?) those in need will be served when they need 
it, and I will be served when it is me requiring help.  That's the value of 
community--you can pay the caring forward and let it weave circles through the 
group without worrying about who is on what end of the giving.
   
  I'm reminded of something I was told once, and I have to trust that it was 
true.  A Meals on Wheels program for seniors in some community was highly 
successful when the meals were delivered by a caring volunteer who stopped to 
chat and got to know the recipients.  When, in the interests of economy, the 
meals were just delivered anonymously at the doorstep, many seniors didn't even 
bother to pick them up or eat them.   My conclusion is that feeling that 
someone cares is even more important than getting the concrete service.  Kids I 
work with have made it abundantly clear that programmatic support rendered just 
because it's their  'right' to get it means little to them, but a receiving a 
few minutes of time given out of genuine caring has immense healing potential.
   
  Some systems might need to be put in place in order to guarantee that all 
bases are covered for the sick, diabled or elderly, but I would hope, in 
additon, that cultivating a caring heart that prompts automatic personal action 
in response to need is one of the goals of living in community.
   
  And now I must confess that I am generally a lurker on this list since my 
situation makes it financially impossible to buy into a co-housing situation.  
It's still my idea of the sanest way to live, however, so I regularly read this 
list to see what issues everyone is facing and how they're being resolved.  
Perhaps someday I'll find  one of those rare rentals in a co-housing community.
   
  Lia  


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