Cohousing-L Mailing List: Behavior Re: Interpersonal conflict

[Wayne Tyson (landrest]

Coho:

I presume that all are familiar with Laura Nader's work on conflict 
resolution [especially in rural Mexico]?

While I am definitely in the learning stage, my present bias is that bias is 
the result of hierarchical culture that persists too long--such that the 
privileges of childhood are retained rather than gradually replaced with 
responsibility. My own experience involves a discussion with a tribal elder 
in New Mexico decades ago. I asked him why the people made small pots--was 
it to sell to tourists? "No," he said, they are for the children. When we go 
to get water or grain, we go as a [community]; the children get to carry 
some of the water or grain too."

Sometimes the "answers" are simple, but when looking through the opaque lens 
of culture, we are unable to see them, to understand them, hence our 
(questionable?) faith in "education" as a substitute for the osmotic 
learning process that nurtures rather than imposes upon the intellect.

One "method" that can sometimes "work" is what I call "moving the 
furniture." That is, just try something different and see what happens. The 
feedback can be for better or for worse, but if one can distinguish one from 
the other and build or discard through a feedback process, one can open up 
eyes wide shut. It is not easy, it is not a snap, but it is deeply 
satisfying. But this is not something that one can impose. Does that seem 
ironic? No? What?

Perhaps the biggest hurdle is the fact that the leaders need this process 
more than the followers.

I do hope all will share their experiences; none of us is an authority.

WT

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Ann Zabaldo" <zabaldo [at] earthlink.net>
To: "Cohousing-L" <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org>
Sent: Thursday, December 09, 2010 5:57 PM
Subject: Re: [C-L]_ Interpersonal conflict


> O please ... all ... post all responses to this list?
>
> Your wisdom in these matters is much needed ... whoever you are!
>
> Many thanks!
>
> Best --
>
> Ann Zabaldo
> Takoma Village Cohousing
> Washington, DC
> Principal, Cohousing Collaborative, LLC
> Falls Church VA
> 703 663 3911
>
> On Dec 9, 2010, at 8:51 PM, Diane wrote:
>
> > And if you get and responses, could you send them on to me,
> >
> > thanks,
> >
> > diane
> >
> > On Thu, Dec 9, 2010 at 8:39 PM, David Entin <davidentin [at] comcast.net> 
> > wrote:
> >
> > > Are there cohousing communities that have a process for dealing with
> > > interpersonal conflict, i.e., between individuals in the community (not
> > > differences over community issues)?   If so, we would appreciate hearing
> > > what types of processes communities have.
> > > Thank you.   David Entin, Rocky Hill Cohousing
> > >                  Northampton, MA
> > > _________________________________________________________________
> > > Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at:
> > > http://www.cohousing.org/cohousing-L/
> >
> >
> > --
> > Diane Margolis
> > 175 Richdale Av.
> > Cambridge, MA 02140
> > 617 354 1349
> > _________________________________________________________________
> > Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at:
> > http://www.cohousing.org/cohousing-L/
>
> _________________________________________________________________
> Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at:
> http://www.cohousing.org/cohousing-L/


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