Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Communication Social and Anti-social?

[Wayne Tyson (landrest]

Honorable Co-housing Forum:

Moz said:

"Can we please all try to stay civil? I agree that it can be hard to deal 
with other people sometimes, but one of the things I value about cohousing 
is that everyone seems so polite. Yes, we argue and fight, but people mostly 
listen and respond with thought and care. This might be an illusion, but as 
a favour to me can everyone play along?"

I don't know what the rules (humor incidental, but not avoided) are for this 
forum, but I prefer to infer that decorum is the norum. However, whether or 
not a post is civil is not a rule in my personal book. (I do understand the 
plight of a moderator and others who are forced take time to supervise the 
playground, as it were, to keep kids from breaking each other's bones [That 
has happened to me.]). I think it's fine for people to express themselves, 
because we all must accept responsibility for what we say (especially what 
we write, which becomes a permanent record). No one of us, worldwide, is 
perfect, though self-righteousness seems to be a popular state of mind. I 
don't mind if folks are uncivil, but I don't always mind them. If one makes 
a good point nastily or lovingly, I'm equally likely to get the picture and 
be affected by it. Feedback is always a learning experience, and one or both 
of the parties can learn something about the other--and about themselves.

I'm not "rule-averse," I just have trouble with presumption. I'm pro 
agreement and in favor of people working out problems when they are 
encountered, before they get all puffed up out of proportion with 
resentment. I actually like to be corrected when I am wrong--it helps me 
grow. But I never know what to do with generalized grumbles. How can one 
possibly improve without knowing specifically what is bugging someone? I 
don't see the need to argue and fight, but I do agree that forum discussions 
should stick to what's relevant to the issues at hand. Shutting off relevant 
discussion without, well, discussion, is, well, (shut my mouth).

WT