Cohousing-L Mailing List: What if an aged neighbor...? (was "Cohousing as nursing home replacement")

[Christine Johnson (christine-johnson]

Rita Bullinger <ritabullinger [at] gmail.com> wrote:

> Our book club group at Germantown Commons Nashville is reading Being
> Mortal by Atul Gawande. I'm just wondering if anyone has any stats or
> anecdotal info on the care of elder co-hos w/in communities as an
> alternative to nursing homes?

Joanie Connors <jvcphd [at] gmail.com> replying to Rita Bullinger, noted that:

….In my understanding, senior cohousing is limited to folks who are able to
be independent (not sure of the right terminology)…..

————

_Being Mortal_ is an eye-opener - a terrific book - one my book club is also 
reading.  Incidentally, my book club members come from two of the three Tucson 
cohousing communities and I bet that we’ll have an interesting conversation 
about our own experiences and expectations.   

I hope that folks presently living in senior cohousing communities will jump in 
!  Please.

“Independent” is a judgement call and a tough one!   The operators of 
Continuing Care Retirement Communities (CCRCs) which offer the greatest scope 
of care through Assisted Living facilities which offer limited assistance 
through Retirement Communities which offer independent living alone, codify the 
definition of “independent” and “assistance” in contract.  This allows the 
administration to manage the terms with residents who lose their ability to 
take care of their own affairs but deny that it is happening.    

If individuals living in cohousing enjoy friendships that extend to those 
friends providing support (repairs, errands, cooking, cleaning, etc.) or have 
supportive family nearby and/or can afford in-home care either through a 
long-term care insurance or private pay, I don’t see any reason that these 
folks will not be able to age and die in place in their cohousing communities.  

The individuals who either have lost the capacity to recognize the scope of 
their own needs (i.e.,  that they are not taking care of themselves and so 
don't arrange for assistance) or do not have supportive and directive family 
members nearby or lack the resources ($$$) to pay for the in-home assistance 
needed, present a dilemma for their neighbors.  Then we are forced to assist or 
not assist. With consequences all around!

My 11 year-old community has a good percentage of folks in their silver years, 
of which my husband and I are two.   We would both love to stay right up until 
the end, dying here in our own bed, but are working on a plan ‘B’….. just in 
case.

For example, two situations that I think our community navigated with minimal 
upset:  1)  neighbors skillfully stepped in to help one of us who was totally 
out of touch with his own needs (dementia-like behavior), finding a daughter 
that the neighbor himself could not/would not contact.  The daughter stepped in 
to do all the heavy lifting, moving our neighbor to a CCRC near her 
out-of-state home.   2) A second aged neighbor, who died shortly after an acute 
illness & hospitalization,  fortunately had a loving and competent daughter who 
managed her needs with minimal assistance from us in the form of rides, food 
prep, etc.  

What do we do if we are faced again with a neighbor who’s out of touch with 
their own needs and is unable to come up with a plan for assistance?  What if 
he or she puts him or herself and/or other people and/or property at risk (for 
ex., walking away from running water, flooding their own and neighbors’ units; 
walking away from food cooking on a stove which leads to a fire at the worst, 
smoke damage, at the least; through fear, her or she behaves aggressively 
towards others who are attempting to help; neglects required maintenance and 
repairs to his/her own home and surrounds; neglects to take care of themselves 
to the point of putting their own life at risk,  etc., etc.)?

Love to hear what others have done to resolve, or are doing to plan for, such 
likely scenarios.  

Christine Johnson
Stone Curves Cohousing
Tucson, AZ