Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: guest post on privacy in cohousing?

[R Philip Dowds (rpdowds]

Not sure I can speak for cohousing generally, but I can report for my 
community, Cornerstone in Cambridge, MA.

Yes, we seem to have a few "introverts" — meaning a few individuals who don't 
much engage in community business or community social life.  Who are perfectly 
pleasant upon chance encounter, who often fulfill minimum expectations, but are 
rarely available for engagement.  If they have a wild and crazy extroverted 
life off campus, it is unknown to me.

Is there a "problem" with this?  In terms of the individual's privacy and 
solitude, I think not.  I am completely unaware of other members or neighbors 
knocking on the introverted door or phoning the elusive member, pestering 
him/her to join in.  It looks to me like the introverts are getting all the 
privacy and solitude they want.

But from a community perspective ... it's kind of a loss.  I personally think 
cohousing works best if it can achieve a critical mass of energy and 
enthusiasm:  That is, lots of friends and neighbors actually interested in the 
cohousing lifestyle, and in working on cohousing challenges like sharing and 
consensus.  And ready to invest the time it takes to make cohousing work.  
Okay, so maybe every coho has two or three units of non-participants.  It 
happens.  But if most units adopt an "introverted" approach, then it won't be 
much of a community.

I'd be interested to hear more from the other side of the table.  That is, from 
coho residents who feel pressed to join in, more than that with which they are 
comfortable.

Philip Dowds

> On Oct 3, 2015, at 12:33 PM, Bella DePaulo <belladepaulo [at] gmail.com> 
> wrote:
> 
> 
> About the privacy/introversion discussion: Would anyone like to write a
> guest post for one of my blogs (Psych Central or Psychology Today) on how
> cohousing can work for people who are introverts or like their privacy? If
> so, please email me at belladepaulo [at] gmail.com . When I was doing the
> research for my book, "How We Live Now: Redefining Home and Family in the 21
> st Century," and mentioned cohousing to people who knew about it but never
> tried it, the privacy issue sometimes came up. Also, among the readers of
> my blogs, the matter of finding just the right balance of time alone and
> time together is one that interests them. Thanks.
> 
> -- 
> Bella DePaulo, Ph.D.        Phone: (805) 565-9582
> PO Box 487                     BellaDePaulo.com <http://belladepaulo.com/>
> 2429*B* Shelby
> Summerland, CA 93067
> 
> *BOOKS*: *How We Live Now
> <http://www.amazon.com/How-We-Live-Now-Redefining/dp/1582704791/?tag=wwwbelladepau-20>*,
> *Singled Out
> <http://www.amazon.com/Singled-Out-Stereotyped-Stigmatized-ebook/dp/B005NJYM6G/?tag=wwwbelladepau-20>*,
> and more
> 
> *Twitter:* @belladepaulo
> 
> *BLOGS*:
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> "Single at Heart <http://blogs.psychcentral.com/single-at-heart/%20>" at
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> "All Things Single (and More)
> <http://belladepaulo.com/singles/index.php/blog>" at BellaDePaulo.com
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