Re: Screening prospective members for sexual abuse in their background
From: Elizabeth Magill (pastorlizmgmail.com)
Date: Fri, 4 Mar 2022 12:53:55 -0800 (PST)
I was surprised to discover that Maggie is right, that HOAs do have a
responsibility to take seriously neighbor-to-neighbor abuse within the
community.
https://www.allpropertymanagement.com/blog/post/hoa-responsibility-for-neighbor-to-neighbor-disputes-harassment/

That said, I don't believe that screening for past criminal behavior
will result in reduced neighbor-to-neighbor abuse.

I agree with Maggie's assessment of other things we might do to reduce abuse.

Also, I think we expect cohousing to be *not like* other groups of
people in ways that are naive and untrue.

-Liz
(The Rev. Dr.) Elizabeth Mae Magill
Pastor, Ashburnham Community Church
Minister to the Affiliates, Ecclesia Ministries
www.elizabethmaemagill.com
508-450-0431

On Thu, Mar 3, 2022 at 4:20 PM Maggie McGovern via Cohousing-L
<cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> wrote:
>
> I believe some cohousing communities are sitting ducks for predators, abuse 
> and bullies. I lived in cohousing for over two years and bought my unit 
> before realizing the danger. I have since researched this and violations in 
> community and Ive found it isn’t that unusual. Basically there are often a 
> lot of compassionate, well intended people and sometimes there are not good 
> boundaries. For instance in my community there are no Rules and Regulations. 
> There was no accountability for if someone crossed lines including legal 
> lines. I was harassed for two years. I told the community. We (the HOA) are 
> then legally required to investigate. I asked for it to be investigated as is 
> required. No one did. When the person harassing me refused to do any of the 
> written suggested steps we all have agreed to, mediation, professional 
> mediation, but instead escalated his harassment most people did not know what 
> to do. Those who wanted accountability were single women with less voice and 
> power and were ignored. So nothing was done to stop it. I got care and 
> compassion at first. But no real protection or legal action that is required. 
> I get it, many were scared, many confused, many just not good at boundaries 
> and conflict avoidant, many tired. But the behavior was not new. I was not 
> the first single woman to be targeted. I got more abuse than anyone 
> previously partially because I spoke up and partially because as a single mom 
> I was the one outside for most of the time with the children. This made me an 
> easy target. So I left after trying very hard to help improve things not only 
> for myself but for other new people and women. I was one of the most active 
> members of this community. But the lack of accountability and following legal 
> rules is a real problem. There was scape goating and a lot of group shaming 
> and power plays (founders supporting/enabling founders despite violations). 
> And it continues in other ways towards other single women.
>
> It also left me with a dilemma on selling. My neighbor has the history of 
> harassing single women, the community isn’t following legal obligations and 
> isn’t protecting women. I was left in a very hard moral place.
>
> I have since spoken to other cohousing members in other communities and ex 
> members of my community as well as experts on community violations and abuse 
> and this is not that unusual a problem in communities it just shows up in 
> various ways. When I left I thought they should have a “welcome predators and 
> bullies!” sign.
>
> I believe for my old community there needs to be accountability, rules and 
> regulations, grievance policies and people educated on what the HOA is 
> required to do and how. I shared all of this with them so there’s also some 
> lack of interest in that from those who have the most power that I don’t know 
> how to address. I imagine other communities have a better balance of 
> boundaries and empathy. It’s very unfortunate for those women left who wanted 
> to improve this.
>
> I think if people are looking into cohousing they should try to ask the 
> people not participating, people who left, not just the most vocal and those 
> that jump forward about their positive experiences. The face of each 
> cohousing does not always show the underbelly. Those writing the most emails 
> and speaking the most might be blind to the abuse (even on this list serve). 
> I also suggest people read the meeting notes. Some of the scape goating and 
> inappropriate behavior in our community is recorded in notes (without the 
> labels of course but there is clearly bad process and triangulation and scape 
> goating). I’m unsure if one can ask police departments if there are reports 
> on certain HOAs but I’d ask cohousing members if they know of any police 
> reports. Ours has multiple.
>
> I still have hope for this community. With so many moving and some founders 
> leaving there is a great opportunity to restructure. But there is still a 
> great weakness that any community can be prone to in my mind.
>
> Unfortunately, those expressing this view on this list serv will be a 
> minority as most won’t be on here anymore and many won’t want to share. The 
> violations have such a big impact but the enabling can be just as damaging 
> and many are silenced.
>
> Thanks for pondering and bringing this issue up,
> Maggie
>
> Sent from my iPhone
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