Cohousing-L Mailing List: Diversity in cohousing

[Grace Kim (grace]

“We can't turn some people away in order to wait for others who meet certain 
criteria. We have to treat everyone the same.”

If groups are truly seeking diversity/racially equity…this might be exactly 
what you might do…turn others away in order to wait to make room for others.

Treating everyone equally is not racial equity…it is kind and human. But 
believing that treating people the same is akin to equality or furthering 
equity is a naive ideal.
Because it disregards people’s lived experience, and make assumptions that 
everyone is starting from the same level playing field. That’s why the “pull 
themselves up by their bootstraps” rhetoric doesn’t work- that assumes everyone 
has boot straps, or even boots.

Sharon- your experience of people misunderstanding your history/lived 
experience as being a black experience is their/society’s racist belief that 
white people are always educated/better off and that black people aren’t middle 
class and don’t have their own rich histories and cultures.

For those in cohousing who seek diversity/racial equity…I think it’s great to 
keep these conversations going. But people have to personally examine what they 
are comfortable with. 

A good test of your personal comfort with being surrounded with people of 
color…try to regularly attend a Black Baptist church or Asian led Buddhist 
meditation group or LatinX catholic mass. (Or pick another non-religious 
community group that regularly meets).
How does it feel to be the “other”? What do you gain from being in that 
community? What old practices/beliefs/behaviors do you need to give up to be 
welcomed/comfortable?
How long does this take? Are you willing to take the time to learn? Are you 
willing to tolerate/lean in to the discomfort?

If all this feels like unnecessary work, admit you are not ready…but don’t 
pretend that you are woke or ready for diversity…it just confuses those around 
you.
Racial Inclusion/acceptance/equity is messy and hard work. There is a LOT to 
gain from trying. But it might not be for everyone.

I’m not an expert…I’m also on this journey. But I have my lived experiences. 
And a LOT of training that I’ve done personally and professionally and with my 
community. Racial equity will be my life’s work, interwoven with everything I 
do.

Grateful to all of you willing to have these conversations.

grace h. kim
schemata workshop 
(sent via mobile messaging)
206.795.2470