Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Diversity in Cohousing

[Katie Hymans (haikaili]

Hi all —

I echo Abe’s questions here. And would like to add some food for thought
for my fellow white folks.

A BIPOC member of this community pointed out some problematic dynamics in
what was being communicated. A response to that contained no appreciation
for the explanation of how harm is being caused, nor apology. Instead, it
contained further explanation, which to me came across as tone deaf and
doubling down.

Please give more weight to the impact of our actions/words than we give to
intention. If I’m driving a car and hit a pedestrian, it doesn’t really
matter that I didn’t mean to. The priority is to tend to the harm I caused
them and get them the help they need. It is no different when the harm is
emotional in nature. Further explaining ourselves when we’ve caused harm to
explain our intention just furthers the harm.

~ Katie Hymans
Southside Park Cohousing, Sacramento, CA


On Tue, Feb 21, 2023 at 4:59 AM Abe Ross <cohoyote [at] gmail.com> wrote:

> Why do you feel it necessary to note (a) his colour (b) his being
> articulate (c) the. colour of the person to whom he is married? Would you
> have done that if he were not  person of colour?
>
> Abe Ross
>
> Feb 21, 2023 8:45:11 AM Zev Paiss <zevpaiss [at] gmail.com>:
>
> > The comments I made with regard to language and cultural differences
> came out of a very recent diversity talk I was part of in a forming
> community in Costa Rica, where the currently almost all white middle to
> upper class group of potential residents, were asking how to bring POC into
> their group. One extremely articulate and wonderful black man who is
> married to a white pediatrician made the comment that differences in
> culture and language would most probably not be welcomed so readily in that
> community.
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