Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Rental Policy

[Joel Bartlett (altairecovillage]

Excellent, Sharon, and thank you!

I am attaching notes from a Laird Schaub workshop one of our members took -
very insightful comments.

Yours, Joel

General Membership Questions - for you as a member and for potential
prospects

   1. What did you join? What is the culture? What’s it like to live with
   this group? How do you orient and integrate new members?
   2. What are your rights and responsibilities? Usually participation is
   in three categories: maintenance, governance, social. What are the benefits
   vs. expectations?
   3. Rules of engagement – What are the groups’ process agreements?
   4. Level of engagement – How much do you intend to be involved in each
   other’s lives by virtue of being members in the same group? Social
   expectations? Recreational? Expectation to resolve interpersonal tension?
   (need to show up)  What kind of support do you expect in time of need?
   (aging in place) What is the limit for this support and how do you know
   when you’re there?
   5. Feedback – How do you give constructive feedback? How is someone’s
   behavior landing in the group? How do you react, get clear, reflect and
   understand that it’s not always about the other person?
   6. Conflict – How does the group work with emotional input? How do you
   deal with tensions between people?
   7. Consequences – Under what circumstances can a person suffer
   involuntary loss of rights?

These questions will help you clarify existing agreements, vision and
common values. Perspectives need to be fully informed before joining.

 “Ambiguity will bite you in the butt!” (Laird Schaub)

Right Relationship between the Community & the Membership Team

Membership team screens potential members for those who most appreciate and
thrive in a community-living culture

   - Those who place a high value on relationships and authenticity
   - People who can understand who they are and how to relate to others
   - Not necessary to have people who think like you as much as to have
   people you can work things out with
   - Need good communication skills to articulate beliefs/feelings so the
   other person can understand where you and they are coming from

A perspective member may be assessing your community using a different
criterion than you may use in assessing whether they are a good fit.

Assess prospective members by having them observe a community meeting and
then debrief them afterwards. What did they notice? What were their
reactions?

People need to be open to working energetically. Working from the heart is
often more important in community than working from the head.

Conflict first happens energetically so you need to be open and have the
skill to work on that level – i.e. need to follow your heart, not follow a
script

When you disagree, note: How do you disagree? Can that disagreement bring
you closer?

Membership teams focus on two things:

   - Marketing & Recruiting
   - Orientation & Integration + Exiting (whether by choice or not)

Fair Housing Laws – you cannot discriminate on certain basics but you do
not need to accept jerks. The community needs to develop a waiting list and
can have some control over new member choices.

The community always needs to be proactive on who is a member and what that
means. Membership work is ongoing and never ends. We all need to be active
as a community to find the people we want.

Attracting and Cultivating Prospective Members

Waiting List:

   - This resolves potential tension between exiting member’s desire for a
   quick sale at a fair price, and the community’s desire for a good fit.
   - Life circumstances for member prospects do not remain static so stay
   on top of cultivating your list. Encourage visitors, stay in touch, keep
   inviting to celebrations, work days, community meetings as observers, etc.

Be sure the advertising statements are accurate. People forgive
imperfection but not dishonesty.

Look at what your target group wants and be willing to create it. There are
limits to diversity, i.e. you cannot be all things to all people – too many
options. You need to decide where to put your resources. How do you talk
about being at your limit?

Marketing:

   - Be clear on what you want. Altair is looking to attract people who
   resonate with our vision and values, have good relationship skills, and fit
   within our age demographics.
   - Cultivate the prospects by creating a profile, answering their
   questions, arranging for a visit, keeping in touch, finding out what
   they’re looking for, seeing if they can afford it
   - Keep clear communication between marketing and cultivating
   - Create a renter list and cultivate them as you would a full member
   - If looking for more diversity, the essential lesson is that it takes
   work and it behooves the community to have a serious conversation about
   whether it has the will to do that work. It is not sufficient to simply
   commit to having diversity; you have to put in the effort to better
   understand how the world looks from the viewpoint of that subgroup.

Retaining Members

How do you close the gap between someone completely new to the group and
all the people that know what’s going on? Many newbies haven’t been in
community before and take in information in different channels, i.e. a
manual handbook or a mentor/buddy who is proactive.

Orientation is best done within the subject matter that the person is
interested in. A potential member’s interest can be discussed with their
buddy. A buddy needs to be knowledgeable, reliable, discreet, and
approachable. Buddies should periodically meet with the membership circle
to review how things are going and what can be improved.

The attitude and demeanor of established members toward new members goes a
long way toward determining how long integration takes. You want the
experience to be rewarding. It helps if established members are open and
pleasant when newbies ask naïve questions or make suggestions for
improvement. It doesn’t mean you need to like their ideas but be open to
listening and help the new folks avail themselves of information about why
the group is doing things the way they are – so that their ideas take that
into account. Down the road it helps to check in with a household about the
degree to which they feel accepted and integrated. This can be done
indirectly to draw out true feelings. Sometimes introverts need a bit of
help to find a good fit for their skills so they can be involved and
helpful in the community.

It is a lot cheaper to retain members than to replace them. Change is
inevitable; adjustment is optional. It’s worthwhile to be open to shifting
things as people and circumstances evolve.

Here are questions for established members to ask each other:

   - Is conflict and tension addressed as an opportunity for growth or
   poison in the water?
   - Do people feel included or excluded? Connected and engaged?
   - How supportive do people feel when they need others to give them
   support?
   - How honest do we feel we can be with each other?
   - Are issues resolved in a timely manner?
   - What could we do better?
   - Are you proud to be a member of the community?
   - Do you feel safe to be vulnerable in a meeting? (Note: It’s easier to
   drop into vulnerability if there are no wrong answers)
   - What’s precious for you about living here?
   - To what extent are you getting the things you came here for?
   - Are there any shifts in the community that, if you got them, would
   significantly enhance your experience? (Please be specific)

Exit and Loss

Grieving Circles

   - Pay attention to how these circles are set up and facilitated
   - These are all about relationships; not about problem solving
   - Grieving is a non-linear process and can’t be counted on to fit into a
   neat schedule
   - Use some time at full member meetings to build relationships instead
   of all the time to take care of business
   - Moving away – have a goodbye gathering like a sharing circle or can
   have a clearing to recognize what has been hard and what has been precious
   about the person’s tenure in the community - or consciously decide to do no
   gathering
   - Death – a different dynamic but at least no sense of rejection or
   failure

Exit Interviews

   - Best done discreetly, face-to-face, and with an attitude of curiosity
   - A time to listen with compassion and empathy – as opposed to defending
   and explaining
   - Not all departing members will want to participate

Have a community reset periodically (every 5 years?)(offsite retreat?)

   - How are we different now than the last time we met like this?
   - What is precious about being a member of this community?
   - Are our values and vision still accurate?
   - Are we succeeding? Where could we be doing a better job?
   - What are our priorities going forward?

Involuntary Loss of Rights – need to anticipate – just because someone
wants to live in community does not mean they always behave well – address
issues immediately

   - Property rights can be separated from social rights. While you may not
   be able to do much to limit property rights, the community should have
   complete control of the social contract and your sanctions will be from the
   social realm. Examples of a social contract include: a) being available to
   hear feedback concerning behaviors w/in the group; b) it’s not ok to say
   “I’m not interested”; c) there is a relationship between what you receive
   in benefits from being in community and your responsibilities for the
   community; d) helpful to learn non-violent problem solving
   - Conditions under which a member might lose rights; the process under
   which you’ll consider that claim; how to notify the person about their
   offensive behavior and give an opportunity for correction (perhaps
   probation period)
   - Usually talking about two kinds of things: a) persistent behavior
   that’s  disrespectful or agreement breaking; and b) behavior that’s
   egregiously dangerous to life or property
   - Complexities that can surface: a) how clear are the agreements that
   were broken; b) is there any reasonable doubt about what happened; c) how
   many chances should someone get to correct unacceptable behavior; d) the
   unpleasantness of judging others

Options when you want new members and have no openings

   - House sharing – perhaps two single people can live together and split
   costs
   - Downsizing – unit swap
   - Tiny houses – build additional units if zoning permits (maybe forego
   having a kitchen)
   - Interns – develop an intern program around a community of interest
   - Renters – embrace renters as active members and not as second class
   citizens

Difficult yet Important Conversations

What Qualities Do You Want in Members?

Limits of Fair Housing Laws

   - It’s naïve to categorically be against being selective about who joins
   the group. Look for what you want and screen for that
   - Seek members with good communication skills – ability to articulate
   clearly what you think and feel, hear accurately and listen to critical
   feedback without walling up or getting defensive, be able to shift
   perspectives to see through another person’s lens, distinguish between
   another person’s behavior as being out of line and them being a “bad”
   person, own your own stuff, be sensitive to the ways in which you are
   privileged, be able to work constructively with people with different
   points of view
   - You can separate property rights from social rights

Perception that someone is no longer able to contribute their “fair share”
or, conversely, when the community may want to curtail a member’s
participation in community life when the member would like to continue.

What to do when a household cannot meet their basic needs unassisted

How to tell someone it’s time to go

   - First need to determine if the community is at its limit with respect
   to tolerating or investing in a dynamic where an individual or household
   requires more energy than they are contributing
   - Second is to have the actual conversation and convey the message to
   the individual that the community can no longer tolerate or support the
   individual or household remaining as part of the community
   - Too often the good people leave because the community was unwilling to
   ask the difficult members to leave
   - Asking someone to leave is best cast as “we are unable to figure out a
   way to have you continue as a member and bring into right relationship the
   energy you consume with the energy you contribute”
   - The community has limits to the resources and support it can provide

What to do with Martyrs and Slackers

   - Community needs to have periodic talks to clear the air to prevent
   demoralization and a decrease in overall participation
   - Community can set up a “participation group” (different from the
   membership Circle) that goes out 1 on 1 to talk to the (usually) slackers
   to see what can be resolved. This group works proactively and discreetly
   - Each member of a group can critique themselves instead of waiting for
   others to start pointing fingers. It’s easier to begin with a
   self-evaluation when you first need to deal with the emotional reality
   (frustration), and then figure out a solution
   - Establish that you don’t want anyone contributing to the point where
   they become resentful – no martyrs!
   - Need to clear the imbalances frequently
   - If freely given labor is insufficient to meet needs, you have the
   choices of a) making do with less, b) convince members to give more without
   guilt-tripping, c) hire out the work – trade dollars for hours

Aging in Place

   - Better to start this conversation before you have candidates that need
   extra care
   - People vary in their comfort around asking for assistance
   - Community can provide discreet coordination to give support


On Thu, Apr 20, 2023 at 10:19 PM Sharon Miller <slmiller.325 [at] gmail.com>
wrote:

> We have a rental that just came on the market (longtime absentee
> landlord). We have agreed upon these steps to find appropriate new renters:
> 1. After inquiry is made, a community member talks w them about
> Sharingwood and answers questions.
> 2. They get a tour of Sharingwood (and more info about expectations)
> 3. If still interested, they get a tour of the house.
> 4. Completes rental application
> 5. Potential renters then meet w three Sharingwood members - get to know
> them and learn further about community.
> 6. Attend a potluck or work party, if available.
> 7. By this point at least 5 Sharingwood members will have met and
> interacted w potential renter. Feedback sent to owner.
>
> From what I’ve read on the legal aspect of this, it’s important that the
> community offer the owner advice and feedback - not approving or
> disapproving of the potential renter.
>
> It’s a lengthy process and we’re trying it out for the first time right
> now. Hopefully we’ll get renters who really want to be a part of the
> community.
>
> Sharon Miller
> Sharingwood (Snohomish, WA)
>
> Sent from my iPhone
>
> > On Apr 20, 2023, at 5:43 PM, Sharon Villines via Cohousing-L <
> cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> wrote:
> >
> > 
> >>
> >> On Apr 20, 2023, at 8:20 PM, Joel Bartlett <altairecovillage [at] 
> >> gmail.com>
> wrote:
> >>
> >> We at Altair are trying to finalize our rental policy.  Still a
> >> forming community, but we need to be clear to folks who are thinking of
> >> investing, but not living there themselves and wanting to rent out their
> >> home.
> >
> > Is there any way to have a rent-to-own plan? The problem is that you
> would have an owner who has never lived there who will have equal say with
> owners who are part of the community.
> >
> > it’s a bit like Zuckerberg having to produce income for his investors
> whether he likes it or not. They just want more money. To hell with the
> utopian ethos of the Internet that existed when Facebook started. He has
> pressure from people who probably care nothing about Facebook.
> >
> > Right now it is all idealism and thankfulness to have buyers for units,
> but that is unlikely to last when prices start rising, or falling.
> >
> > If an investor is financing a unit that another person would own at a
> certain point, it makes the ego interest less cloudy. With a good
> rent-to-own contract, the worst that can happen is that the investor gets
> the unit back if the renter defaults.
> >
> > It gets weird when you don’t know who you are dealing with. If you are
> using consensus that person out there is in control of your decisions. You
> won’t be able to do anything that they object to.
> >
> > Sharon
> > ----
> > Sharon Villines
> > Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
> > http://www.takomavillage.org
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > _________________________________________________________________
> > Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at:
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> >
> >
> >
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