Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Rental Policy

[Lorraine Faris (lor.f50]

Thanks for sharing, Joel. Excellent information
Lorraine
Cohousing of Greater Baltimore

On Fri, Apr 21, 2023, 12:27 PM Joel Bartlett <altairecovillage [at] gmail.com>
wrote:

> Excellent, Sharon, and thank you!
>
> I am attaching notes from a Laird Schaub workshop one of our members took -
> very insightful comments.
>
> Yours, Joel
>
> General Membership Questions - for you as a member and for potential
> prospects
>
>    1. What did you join? What is the culture? What’s it like to live with
>    this group? How do you orient and integrate new members?
>    2. What are your rights and responsibilities? Usually participation is
>    in three categories: maintenance, governance, social. What are the
> benefits
>    vs. expectations?
>    3. Rules of engagement – What are the groups’ process agreements?
>    4. Level of engagement – How much do you intend to be involved in each
>    other’s lives by virtue of being members in the same group? Social
>    expectations? Recreational? Expectation to resolve interpersonal
> tension?
>    (need to show up)  What kind of support do you expect in time of need?
>    (aging in place) What is the limit for this support and how do you know
>    when you’re there?
>    5. Feedback – How do you give constructive feedback? How is someone’s
>    behavior landing in the group? How do you react, get clear, reflect and
>    understand that it’s not always about the other person?
>    6. Conflict – How does the group work with emotional input? How do you
>    deal with tensions between people?
>    7. Consequences – Under what circumstances can a person suffer
>    involuntary loss of rights?
>
> These questions will help you clarify existing agreements, vision and
> common values. Perspectives need to be fully informed before joining.
>
>  “Ambiguity will bite you in the butt!” (Laird Schaub)
>
> Right Relationship between the Community & the Membership Team
>
> Membership team screens potential members for those who most appreciate and
> thrive in a community-living culture
>
>    - Those who place a high value on relationships and authenticity
>    - People who can understand who they are and how to relate to others
>    - Not necessary to have people who think like you as much as to have
>    people you can work things out with
>    - Need good communication skills to articulate beliefs/feelings so the
>    other person can understand where you and they are coming from
>
> A perspective member may be assessing your community using a different
> criterion than you may use in assessing whether they are a good fit.
>
> Assess prospective members by having them observe a community meeting and
> then debrief them afterwards. What did they notice? What were their
> reactions?
>
> People need to be open to working energetically. Working from the heart is
> often more important in community than working from the head.
>
> Conflict first happens energetically so you need to be open and have the
> skill to work on that level – i.e. need to follow your heart, not follow a
> script
>
> When you disagree, note: How do you disagree? Can that disagreement bring
> you closer?
>
> Membership teams focus on two things:
>
>    - Marketing & Recruiting
>    - Orientation & Integration + Exiting (whether by choice or not)
>
> Fair Housing Laws – you cannot discriminate on certain basics but you do
> not need to accept jerks. The community needs to develop a waiting list and
> can have some control over new member choices.
>
> The community always needs to be proactive on who is a member and what that
> means. Membership work is ongoing and never ends. We all need to be active
> as a community to find the people we want.
>
> Attracting and Cultivating Prospective Members
>
> Waiting List:
>
>    - This resolves potential tension between exiting member’s desire for a
>    quick sale at a fair price, and the community’s desire for a good fit.
>    - Life circumstances for member prospects do not remain static so stay
>    on top of cultivating your list. Encourage visitors, stay in touch, keep
>    inviting to celebrations, work days, community meetings as observers,
> etc.
>
> Be sure the advertising statements are accurate. People forgive
> imperfection but not dishonesty.
>
> Look at what your target group wants and be willing to create it. There are
> limits to diversity, i.e. you cannot be all things to all people – too many
> options. You need to decide where to put your resources. How do you talk
> about being at your limit?
>
> Marketing:
>
>    - Be clear on what you want. Altair is looking to attract people who
>    resonate with our vision and values, have good relationship skills, and
> fit
>    within our age demographics.
>    - Cultivate the prospects by creating a profile, answering their
>    questions, arranging for a visit, keeping in touch, finding out what
>    they’re looking for, seeing if they can afford it
>    - Keep clear communication between marketing and cultivating
>    - Create a renter list and cultivate them as you would a full member
>    - If looking for more diversity, the essential lesson is that it takes
>    work and it behooves the community to have a serious conversation about
>    whether it has the will to do that work. It is not sufficient to simply
>    commit to having diversity; you have to put in the effort to better
>    understand how the world looks from the viewpoint of that subgroup.
>
> Retaining Members
>
> How do you close the gap between someone completely new to the group and
> all the people that know what’s going on? Many newbies haven’t been in
> community before and take in information in different channels, i.e. a
> manual handbook or a mentor/buddy who is proactive.
>
> Orientation is best done within the subject matter that the person is
> interested in. A potential member’s interest can be discussed with their
> buddy. A buddy needs to be knowledgeable, reliable, discreet, and
> approachable. Buddies should periodically meet with the membership circle
> to review how things are going and what can be improved.
>
> The attitude and demeanor of established members toward new members goes a
> long way toward determining how long integration takes. You want the
> experience to be rewarding. It helps if established members are open and
> pleasant when newbies ask naïve questions or make suggestions for
> improvement. It doesn’t mean you need to like their ideas but be open to
> listening and help the new folks avail themselves of information about why
> the group is doing things the way they are – so that their ideas take that
> into account. Down the road it helps to check in with a household about the
> degree to which they feel accepted and integrated. This can be done
> indirectly to draw out true feelings. Sometimes introverts need a bit of
> help to find a good fit for their skills so they can be involved and
> helpful in the community.
>
> It is a lot cheaper to retain members than to replace them. Change is
> inevitable; adjustment is optional. It’s worthwhile to be open to shifting
> things as people and circumstances evolve.
>
> Here are questions for established members to ask each other:
>
>    - Is conflict and tension addressed as an opportunity for growth or
>    poison in the water?
>    - Do people feel included or excluded? Connected and engaged?
>    - How supportive do people feel when they need others to give them
>    support?
>    - How honest do we feel we can be with each other?
>    - Are issues resolved in a timely manner?
>    - What could we do better?
>    - Are you proud to be a member of the community?
>    - Do you feel safe to be vulnerable in a meeting? (Note: It’s easier to
>    drop into vulnerability if there are no wrong answers)
>    - What’s precious for you about living here?
>    - To what extent are you getting the things you came here for?
>    - Are there any shifts in the community that, if you got them, would
>    significantly enhance your experience? (Please be specific)
>
> Exit and Loss
>
> Grieving Circles
>
>    - Pay attention to how these circles are set up and facilitated
>    - These are all about relationships; not about problem solving
>    - Grieving is a non-linear process and can’t be counted on to fit into a
>    neat schedule
>    - Use some time at full member meetings to build relationships instead
>    of all the time to take care of business
>    - Moving away – have a goodbye gathering like a sharing circle or can
>    have a clearing to recognize what has been hard and what has been
> precious
>    about the person’s tenure in the community - or consciously decide to
> do no
>    gathering
>    - Death – a different dynamic but at least no sense of rejection or
>    failure
>
> Exit Interviews
>
>    - Best done discreetly, face-to-face, and with an attitude of curiosity
>    - A time to listen with compassion and empathy – as opposed to defending
>    and explaining
>    - Not all departing members will want to participate
>
> Have a community reset periodically (every 5 years?)(offsite retreat?)
>
>    - How are we different now than the last time we met like this?
>    - What is precious about being a member of this community?
>    - Are our values and vision still accurate?
>    - Are we succeeding? Where could we be doing a better job?
>    - What are our priorities going forward?
>
> Involuntary Loss of Rights – need to anticipate – just because someone
> wants to live in community does not mean they always behave well – address
> issues immediately
>
>    - Property rights can be separated from social rights. While you may not
>    be able to do much to limit property rights, the community should have
>    complete control of the social contract and your sanctions will be from
> the
>    social realm. Examples of a social contract include: a) being available
> to
>    hear feedback concerning behaviors w/in the group; b) it’s not ok to say
>    “I’m not interested”; c) there is a relationship between what you
> receive
>    in benefits from being in community and your responsibilities for the
>    community; d) helpful to learn non-violent problem solving
>    - Conditions under which a member might lose rights; the process under
>    which you’ll consider that claim; how to notify the person about their
>    offensive behavior and give an opportunity for correction (perhaps
>    probation period)
>    - Usually talking about two kinds of things: a) persistent behavior
>    that’s  disrespectful or agreement breaking; and b) behavior that’s
>    egregiously dangerous to life or property
>    - Complexities that can surface: a) how clear are the agreements that
>    were broken; b) is there any reasonable doubt about what happened; c)
> how
>    many chances should someone get to correct unacceptable behavior; d) the
>    unpleasantness of judging others
>
> Options when you want new members and have no openings
>
>    - House sharing – perhaps two single people can live together and split
>    costs
>    - Downsizing – unit swap
>    - Tiny houses – build additional units if zoning permits (maybe forego
>    having a kitchen)
>    - Interns – develop an intern program around a community of interest
>    - Renters – embrace renters as active members and not as second class
>    citizens
>
> Difficult yet Important Conversations
>
> What Qualities Do You Want in Members?
>
> Limits of Fair Housing Laws
>
>    - It’s naïve to categorically be against being selective about who joins
>    the group. Look for what you want and screen for that
>    - Seek members with good communication skills – ability to articulate
>    clearly what you think and feel, hear accurately and listen to critical
>    feedback without walling up or getting defensive, be able to shift
>    perspectives to see through another person’s lens, distinguish between
>    another person’s behavior as being out of line and them being a “bad”
>    person, own your own stuff, be sensitive to the ways in which you are
>    privileged, be able to work constructively with people with different
>    points of view
>    - You can separate property rights from social rights
>
> Perception that someone is no longer able to contribute their “fair share”
> or, conversely, when the community may want to curtail a member’s
> participation in community life when the member would like to continue.
>
> What to do when a household cannot meet their basic needs unassisted
>
> How to tell someone it’s time to go
>
>    - First need to determine if the community is at its limit with respect
>    to tolerating or investing in a dynamic where an individual or household
>    requires more energy than they are contributing
>    - Second is to have the actual conversation and convey the message to
>    the individual that the community can no longer tolerate or support the
>    individual or household remaining as part of the community
>    - Too often the good people leave because the community was unwilling to
>    ask the difficult members to leave
>    - Asking someone to leave is best cast as “we are unable to figure out a
>    way to have you continue as a member and bring into right relationship
> the
>    energy you consume with the energy you contribute”
>    - The community has limits to the resources and support it can provide
>
> What to do with Martyrs and Slackers
>
>    - Community needs to have periodic talks to clear the air to prevent
>    demoralization and a decrease in overall participation
>    - Community can set up a “participation group” (different from the
>    membership Circle) that goes out 1 on 1 to talk to the (usually)
> slackers
>    to see what can be resolved. This group works proactively and discreetly
>    - Each member of a group can critique themselves instead of waiting for
>    others to start pointing fingers. It’s easier to begin with a
>    self-evaluation when you first need to deal with the emotional reality
>    (frustration), and then figure out a solution
>    - Establish that you don’t want anyone contributing to the point where
>    they become resentful – no martyrs!
>    - Need to clear the imbalances frequently
>    - If freely given labor is insufficient to meet needs, you have the
>    choices of a) making do with less, b) convince members to give more
> without
>    guilt-tripping, c) hire out the work – trade dollars for hours
>
> Aging in Place
>
>    - Better to start this conversation before you have candidates that need
>    extra care
>    - People vary in their comfort around asking for assistance
>    - Community can provide discreet coordination to give support
>
>
> On Thu, Apr 20, 2023 at 10:19 PM Sharon Miller <slmiller.325 [at] gmail.com>
> wrote:
>
> > We have a rental that just came on the market (longtime absentee
> > landlord). We have agreed upon these steps to find appropriate new
> renters:
> > 1. After inquiry is made, a community member talks w them about
> > Sharingwood and answers questions.
> > 2. They get a tour of Sharingwood (and more info about expectations)
> > 3. If still interested, they get a tour of the house.
> > 4. Completes rental application
> > 5. Potential renters then meet w three Sharingwood members - get to know
> > them and learn further about community.
> > 6. Attend a potluck or work party, if available.
> > 7. By this point at least 5 Sharingwood members will have met and
> > interacted w potential renter. Feedback sent to owner.
> >
> > From what I’ve read on the legal aspect of this, it’s important that the
> > community offer the owner advice and feedback - not approving or
> > disapproving of the potential renter.
> >
> > It’s a lengthy process and we’re trying it out for the first time right
> > now. Hopefully we’ll get renters who really want to be a part of the
> > community.
> >
> > Sharon Miller
> > Sharingwood (Snohomish, WA)
> >
> > Sent from my iPhone
> >
> > > On Apr 20, 2023, at 5:43 PM, Sharon Villines via Cohousing-L <
> > cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> wrote:
> > >
> > > 
> > >>
> > >> On Apr 20, 2023, at 8:20 PM, Joel Bartlett <
> altairecovillage [at] gmail.com>
> > wrote:
> > >>
> > >> We at Altair are trying to finalize our rental policy.  Still a
> > >> forming community, but we need to be clear to folks who are thinking
> of
> > >> investing, but not living there themselves and wanting to rent out
> their
> > >> home.
> > >
> > > Is there any way to have a rent-to-own plan? The problem is that you
> > would have an owner who has never lived there who will have equal say
> with
> > owners who are part of the community.
> > >
> > > it’s a bit like Zuckerberg having to produce income for his investors
> > whether he likes it or not. They just want more money. To hell with the
> > utopian ethos of the Internet that existed when Facebook started. He has
> > pressure from people who probably care nothing about Facebook.
> > >
> > > Right now it is all idealism and thankfulness to have buyers for units,
> > but that is unlikely to last when prices start rising, or falling.
> > >
> > > If an investor is financing a unit that another person would own at a
> > certain point, it makes the ego interest less cloudy. With a good
> > rent-to-own contract, the worst that can happen is that the investor gets
> > the unit back if the renter defaults.
> > >
> > > It gets weird when you don’t know who you are dealing with. If you are
> > using consensus that person out there is in control of your decisions.
> You
> > won’t be able to do anything that they object to.
> > >
> > > Sharon
> > > ----
> > > Sharon Villines
> > > Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
> > > http://www.takomavillage.org
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > _________________________________________________________________
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> > >
> > >
> > >
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> >
> >
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