Cohousing-L Mailing List: Preventing cohousing “neighborly awareness” from becoming surveillance (with CPS calls)

[Kathryn Lowry (kathryn.lowry]

Hello all,

I’m seeking guidance on how cohousing communities keep “neighborly
awareness” from drifting into surveillance—especially when it escalates to
CPS calls.

*Context (specific examples):*

   -

   Our site was intentionally designed so that *every resident can observe
   community activity from their kitchen window*—a feature we value for
   safety and connection. Yet my neighbors have repeatedly called CPS alleging
   neglect *because I rely on the same visibility feature they use* to
   scrutinize my children’s outdoor play.
   -

   During my *5th week of post-op recovery from knee surgery*, Dad was
   handling *100% of housekeeping and caregiving* for our two children and
   me (temporarily immobilized). During a sudden summer rain, a neighbor
   calmly walked our younger child toward our unit (Dad met them at the door)
   while another helped our older child close the sandbox—*no urgency, no
   distress*. Instead of being treated as a normal act of *neighborly care
   during a medically vulnerable period*, the incident was logged as *another
   CPS report* alleging neglect.

*What I’m hoping to learn from this list:*

   1.

   *Community Agreements:* Do you have written norms/policies that
   distinguish *mutual visibility for safety* from *surveillance of
   neighbors*? Sample language welcome.
   2.

   *Reporting Protocols:* How do you channel concerns (e.g., speak directly
   first, use a community safety/children’s committee, mediation) before
   external reporting? Any *decision trees* or *cooling-off steps*?
   3.

   *Privacy & Documentation:* Policies on photographing/recording neighbors
   or children, posting to social media, or keeping “incident logs”?
   4.

   *Design Solutions:* Has anyone adjusted *sightlines, screening, signage,
   or play-zone placement* to reduce friction while preserving the original
   design intent of casual oversight?
   5.

   *Family-Centered Practices:* Ways to support *children’s independent
   mobility* (e.g., kitchen-window check-ins, buddy systems) without
   shaming or over-policing parents—especially during *temporary medical
   events* when roles shift.
   6.

   *Governance & Remedies:* Which committees handle this? What *restorative*
   or *educational* steps have you used (e.g., bias/assumption training,
   “assume positive intent” agreements, appreciative check-in channels) to
   reset culture?
   7.

   *When CPS Is Involved:* If your community has faced *frequent or
   unfounded CPS calls*, how have you responded as a community while still
   honoring good-faith safety concerns?

If you can share *policy excerpts, onboarding materials, signage language,
or flowcharts*, I’d be grateful (on-list or off-list). I’m trying to *preserve
our design’s intent—mutual care and informal connection—without normalizing
surveillance* or weaponizing visibility against families.

Thank you for any wisdom and documents you can offer,
*Kathryn Lowry*