Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Preventing cohousing “neighborly awareness” from becoming surveillance (with CPS calls)

[Kathryn Lowry (kathryn.lowry]

It’s three specific households, if not four, out of 30.   Long-standing
residents who are in Leadership positions. It’s been institutionalized
through alteration in Community Published guidelines and “Friendly
Reminders” on the all-residents listserv targeted at my family.  My
requests to focus on identified safety hazards are re-cast as my failure to
supervise. And even when there is a community response, like a coordinated
walk-through of the shared kitchen to mitigate safety hazards, previously
mitigated hazards are re-introduced days later with no notice.  I’m then
blamed for resulting damage for “failing to supervise” my small child when
he was able to elope with materials stored on open shelving at child’s eye
faster than I was able to notice he has the items.


On Sat, Oct 11, 2025 at 11:50 AM Diana Carroll <dianaecarroll [at] gmail.com>
wrote:

> I have no suggestions or experience to offer, I just want to say that
> sounds really hard. I would find it hard to feel safe in our neighborhood
> if I felt like my neighbors were watching my every move waiting to "turn me
> in" for my parenting or anything else. I hope it's just one household, in
> which case my only suggestion is to treat it as a private conflict rather
> than seeking community-based solutions. (In my community we have a team
> tasked with helping individuals to work through conflict with other
> members.) If this has happened multiple times across multiple households,
> that does suggest it's become part of the community culture, which would
> definitely merit exploration at a community level.
>
> I wish you all luck working through this.
>
> Diana
> Mosaic commons, central MA
>
> On Sat, Oct 11, 2025 at 2:39 PM Kathryn Lowry via Cohousing-L <
> cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> wrote:
>
>> Hello all,
>>
>> I’m seeking guidance on how cohousing communities keep “neighborly
>> awareness” from drifting into surveillance—especially when it escalates to
>> CPS calls.
>>
>> *Context (specific examples):*
>>
>>    -
>>
>>    Our site was intentionally designed so that *every resident can observe
>>    community activity from their kitchen window*—a feature we value for
>>    safety and connection. Yet my neighbors have repeatedly called CPS
>> alleging
>>    neglect *because I rely on the same visibility feature they use* to
>>    scrutinize my children’s outdoor play.
>>    -
>>
>>    During my *5th week of post-op recovery from knee surgery*, Dad was
>>    handling *100% of housekeeping and caregiving* for our two children and
>>    me (temporarily immobilized). During a sudden summer rain, a neighbor
>>    calmly walked our younger child toward our unit (Dad met them at the
>> door)
>>    while another helped our older child close the sandbox—*no urgency, no
>>    distress*. Instead of being treated as a normal act of *neighborly care
>>    during a medically vulnerable period*, the incident was logged as
>> *another
>>    CPS report* alleging neglect.
>>
>> *What I’m hoping to learn from this list:*
>>
>>    1.
>>
>>    *Community Agreements:* Do you have written norms/policies that
>>    distinguish *mutual visibility for safety* from *surveillance of
>>    neighbors*? Sample language welcome.
>>    2.
>>
>>    *Reporting Protocols:* How do you channel concerns (e.g., speak
>> directly
>>    first, use a community safety/children’s committee, mediation) before
>>    external reporting? Any *decision trees* or *cooling-off steps*?
>>    3.
>>
>>    *Privacy & Documentation:* Policies on photographing/recording
>> neighbors
>>    or children, posting to social media, or keeping “incident logs”?
>>    4.
>>
>>    *Design Solutions:* Has anyone adjusted *sightlines, screening,
>> signage,
>>    or play-zone placement* to reduce friction while preserving the
>> original
>>    design intent of casual oversight?
>>    5.
>>
>>    *Family-Centered Practices:* Ways to support *children’s independent
>>    mobility* (e.g., kitchen-window check-ins, buddy systems) without
>>    shaming or over-policing parents—especially during *temporary medical
>>    events* when roles shift.
>>    6.
>>
>>    *Governance & Remedies:* Which committees handle this? What
>> *restorative*
>>    or *educational* steps have you used (e.g., bias/assumption training,
>>    “assume positive intent” agreements, appreciative check-in channels) to
>>    reset culture?
>>    7.
>>
>>    *When CPS Is Involved:* If your community has faced *frequent or
>>    unfounded CPS calls*, how have you responded as a community while still
>>    honoring good-faith safety concerns?
>>
>> If you can share *policy excerpts, onboarding materials, signage language,
>> or flowcharts*, I’d be grateful (on-list or off-list). I’m trying to
>> *preserve
>> our design’s intent—mutual care and informal connection—without
>> normalizing
>> surveillance* or weaponizing visibility against families.
>>
>> Thank you for any wisdom and documents you can offer,
>> *Kathryn Lowry*
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>>
>>
>>